This post is not about me, although perhaps I am a bit addicted to chocolate and decaf coffee. No, this post is about Tadpole, who has been addicted to her pacifier since she was a wee little thing.
When Tadpole was little, I believed (and possibly still do) that being dependent on a pacifier was better than sucking one's thumb, because a pacifier could at some point be taken away, while a thumb is there more or less forever. I felt like even though we were probably creating a future problem by allowing heavy pacifier use, we were at least creating a problem that had a viable solution, and so I went on with my life with that unhappy future day looming over my head, but still, always in the future.
Until here we were, Tadpole is over three years old, and still had her pacifier. She didn't use it at preschool, but otherwise she had a pacifier with her almost all the time. Let me rephrase that, actually - she had TWO pacifiers with her at all times.
Honestly, I didn't really have a problem allowing her to keep her pacifier until she decided to give it up on her own, assuming that she decided to give it up at a reasonable age (say, before 5 or 6). Unfortunately, two other problems developed. First, she started chewing on her pacifiers, and that was awfully hard on them. Pieces started breaking off. She wasn't even getting suction as far as I could tell (so much for the plan to cut holes in them - she basically did that herself, and it didn't bother her in the least). We threw a bunch away and warned her that any new pacifier that got chewed on would meet the same fate, but that didn't stop her at all.
The second problem was essentially her downfall - she kept leaving her pacifiers lying around (or she would actively hide them), and then have no idea where they were. That drove me absolutely crazy - I can't tell you how much time I spent looking for pacifiers with a wailing, distressed child who could not remember where she put the dang things even if her life depended on it (and let me tell you, from her point of view, it did).
Last Friday morning, we left for my mom's house and I vaguely remembered that she left the house while eating a snack and I meant to run in and grab some pacifiers, but alas, with all the last-minute things, I forgot. She spent the whole day without pacifiers, which was sort of ok until the drive home, and then she wailed for the entire 45 minutes. When we got here, I went to look for her pacifiers to put her down for a late nap, and could not find a single one. I looked all over the house, which had been cleaned that day (by the professional cleaners, which meant it had also been thoroughly straightened by me, so there wasn't stuff lying all over the place as usual). ZERO pacifiers.
So. We decided it was time, cold turkey. She'd spent the whole day without and skipped her nap, so she'd be nice and tired and probably sleep through the night. My husband bought a few backups in case things got really bad, but it went ok. She slept all night, and was definitely sad about the pacifier situation all weekend, but I managed to distract her each time, plus it was a busy, crazy, fun weekend so it went mostly ok. She even got on skype and told her grandparents in Italy that thieves had stolen her pacifiers (I'm not totally sure where she got that story, but I'm ok with it).
And then ... today ... OMG. She woke up from her nap wailing and weeping and gnashing her teeth, my little daughter who always wakes with a smile. Tears ran down her face and she rubbed her eyes and her runny nose and most especially her mouth. She rolled on the floor and flailed her arms and legs and threw herself back down every time I picked her up. It seemed like she was going through a really strong physical withdrawal - she kept pulling at her lips and rubbing the back of her hand across her teeth and tongue and wiping her face on the couch (causing lots of brown lint to stick to her face, which was covered in snot from her runny nose). It took me about 45 minutes to calm her down, the first half of which she didn't even want me near her. It was rough. I've actually never seen her like that, and I'm a little bit worried about her having an addictive personality (maybe I should talk to the doctor at her 3-year appointment this week?).
During this time, I called my husband and asked him to come home from work early (it was only about 14 minutes early, really). Tadpole finally calmed down with a graham cracker snack, and we explained that her pacifiers were all lost and that she was a big girl and didn't need anymore. We also have been playing up the fact that she's going to get a big girl bed (hopefully tomorrow, if I can get the right size bolts and get to IKEA to get a mattress and some sheets and then get the cribs taken apart and the beds put together for both kids in time). So ... I hope this was the worst of it. I am crossing my fingers, because I hate seeing her like that, but I just know it's for the best.
On a side note, it is SO sad taking apart my little ones' cribs. I just want to cry. Sometime I wish I could have another one. Sigh.
Monday, August 19, 2013
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Potty foibles
I didn't want to bribe my kids to get them to use the potty. I felt that it was something that was a normal part of life, that they'd be doing for the rest of their lives (or at least until they're in diapers again when they're old), and you shouldn't be bribed for doing something that is an everyday, normal thing. I also just don't want them to start expecting a bribe anytime they do anything I ask them to do. Or throwing a tantrum if they don't get a treat any time they do something they're supposed to. I can't even tell you how hard it is sometimes when Turtle is throwing a fit and I just want to say "PLEASE, just get in the car and I'll give you a cookie when we get home". It would make my life SO MUCH EASIER. But I don't do it. Because I know what will happen.
But anyway, after months of leaving potties around and asking a million times if they wanted to go potty and getting no results whatsoever, we let them run around naked a lot earlier this summer. Turtle figured out pretty quick when he needed to pee, but he still didn't want to use the potty and started fighting us when we asked him to wear underwear. The final straw was when he started asking for a diaper just so he could poop in it. Which I know, it's not abnormal to do that. But I wasn't sure if, with the right incentive, he could easily make the switch to the potty. I figured that by offering a cookie, he would take to using the potty if that's what he really wanted, and if he really didn't, he could give up the cookie, and no big loss.
So, we introduced a small cookie for peeing and a big cookie for pooping. With Turtle, it's worked great. He almost never has any accidents. We use diapers for naptime and overnight, which is fine. He also switched to using the toilet instead of his little potty, with no special attachments, almost immediately. Tadpole is another story. She continues to have accidents, sometimes several per day. She's not as motivated by sweets, which is also ok. She's getting it, in her own time.
One side effect to the cookie reward is that Turtle often wants cookies more often than he is able to produce anything, and that is frustrating to him. It hasn't gotten out of hand yet, but when he needs to pee, he'll often declare he needs to poop, too, in the hopes of getting a bigger cookie. The other day, we were at the table and he said to me "Mama! I have to pee!!!!" and we rushed down the hallway to the bathroom. On the way there, I heard him talking to himself, saying "I'm going to poop, and then I'll get a BIG cookie!"
He sat on the potty, and said "First, I'm going to pee", and he did. Then he said "Now I'm going to poop, so I'll get a BIG cookie!", and he tried. And tried. And I started getting a bit concerned, so I asked him if he really needed to poop or not. And finally he looked a bit disappointed and said "Fine. I guess I'll just have a little cookie", and gave a big sigh as he hopped off the toilet. I could barely contain my laughter.
(Just FYI, I do plan to mention to the doctor his over-willingness to try to poop in exchange for a cookie at their 3-year appointment next week).
(Also, all the dialogue was actually in Italian, I just translated it into English).
But anyway, after months of leaving potties around and asking a million times if they wanted to go potty and getting no results whatsoever, we let them run around naked a lot earlier this summer. Turtle figured out pretty quick when he needed to pee, but he still didn't want to use the potty and started fighting us when we asked him to wear underwear. The final straw was when he started asking for a diaper just so he could poop in it. Which I know, it's not abnormal to do that. But I wasn't sure if, with the right incentive, he could easily make the switch to the potty. I figured that by offering a cookie, he would take to using the potty if that's what he really wanted, and if he really didn't, he could give up the cookie, and no big loss.
So, we introduced a small cookie for peeing and a big cookie for pooping. With Turtle, it's worked great. He almost never has any accidents. We use diapers for naptime and overnight, which is fine. He also switched to using the toilet instead of his little potty, with no special attachments, almost immediately. Tadpole is another story. She continues to have accidents, sometimes several per day. She's not as motivated by sweets, which is also ok. She's getting it, in her own time.
One side effect to the cookie reward is that Turtle often wants cookies more often than he is able to produce anything, and that is frustrating to him. It hasn't gotten out of hand yet, but when he needs to pee, he'll often declare he needs to poop, too, in the hopes of getting a bigger cookie. The other day, we were at the table and he said to me "Mama! I have to pee!!!!" and we rushed down the hallway to the bathroom. On the way there, I heard him talking to himself, saying "I'm going to poop, and then I'll get a BIG cookie!"
He sat on the potty, and said "First, I'm going to pee", and he did. Then he said "Now I'm going to poop, so I'll get a BIG cookie!", and he tried. And tried. And I started getting a bit concerned, so I asked him if he really needed to poop or not. And finally he looked a bit disappointed and said "Fine. I guess I'll just have a little cookie", and gave a big sigh as he hopped off the toilet. I could barely contain my laughter.
(Just FYI, I do plan to mention to the doctor his over-willingness to try to poop in exchange for a cookie at their 3-year appointment next week).
(Also, all the dialogue was actually in Italian, I just translated it into English).
Monday, August 12, 2013
Over
My mom moved last week. It was such a huge effort. The last two weeks were pure hell. We had 2 or 3 charity pick-ups (I've lost track), two trash pick-ups, and countless hours packing, sorting, and cleaning (we found THREE dead mice in the garage). I ended up spending the night on Wednesday before the movers came, totally unexpectedly, since we were still packing up until shortly past midnight and then up at 5:45 the next morning, luckily since the movers showed up at 6:30 instead of 8 as confirmed. After spending the night in the same clothes I'd worn for two days and putting my contact in two cups of water because I had nothing with me, my mom's cat bit my finger when I tried to get him in the carrier to spend moving day at the vet, so I had to go get antibiotics. Then the movers did a crappy job, so my sister and I spent Friday loading up cars and transporting stuff to the new place. We forgot a few things. Nothing important, I really hope. We were supposed to be out at 5pm on Friday, and I drove away with the last load at 5:30, just as the new buyers were pulling up. The cleaners were still there - 20 years of never cleaning your house can have a brutal impact.
I have such mixed emotions. I'm happy my mom is in a more manageable place, but I'm worried that she still won't be able to manage it - the cleaning, the organizing, the finances. She's extremely irresponsible. I'm angry at my mother for having her priorities so screwed up that she couldn't keep the dream house she and my father built together, due almost entirely to her irresponsibility. On the other hand, it was way too HUGE for one person to live there, even if they could afford it. I am angry that all the work fell on me, that I nagged and badgered for weeks to start packing, and that she never did a thing unless it was under my direct supervision, which led to these last few weeks of horrible screaming fights and stress for everyone. And then I feel so sad for her. She's like a child, all alone, no husband, no parents, no kids because she's driven them away, and few friends. It's just a rough situation.
I'm also just sad for myself. I have so many memories in that house. My dad built the gazebo, and my husband and I were married in it. The master bedroom has old etched glass windows that were in my grandparents' house in Pittsburgh, PA, and which my mom moved with her everywhere until installing them in her dream house in such a way that you'd have to destroy the walls to get them out. It had a beautiful library with built-in bookshelves and an oak ceiling, my favorite room in the house, and I'll miss it so much. But things look good in general - my mom's new neighbors seem awfully nice, and she has one friend who already lived in her new neighborhood.
So anyway. I have my life back. I'm so happy to spend more time with my kids again. I'll write about them soon! More time for my garden, I hope. I'm taking the CBEST and will look into substitute teaching this fall, to see if I like teaching. After I ran my last half-marathon in mid-July, I think I've laced up my shoes only once or twice, so it's time to get back to exercise, too. And baking bread and cooking yummy fall meals. I'm looking forward to a visit to our local Apple Hill (on a weekday, weekends are nuts up there in the fall). And more crafting time, too. I have so many projects in mind, mostly sewing, either quilted items or kids' clothing, but other stuff, too. We'll be setting the kids up with real beds soon. If I can get some good projects going, I might sell some stuff on etsy, too. I have lots of ideas going on right now, and it's nice to be able to consider them again! On the other hand, my house is also full of stuff I took from my mom, so I know I have quite a few days of sorting, organizing, re-packing, and getting rid of stuff in my future.
In the next couple weeks, look for me to be posting regularly again. I hope. There's still a lot to do around here, but life feels pretty sweet right now.
I have such mixed emotions. I'm happy my mom is in a more manageable place, but I'm worried that she still won't be able to manage it - the cleaning, the organizing, the finances. She's extremely irresponsible. I'm angry at my mother for having her priorities so screwed up that she couldn't keep the dream house she and my father built together, due almost entirely to her irresponsibility. On the other hand, it was way too HUGE for one person to live there, even if they could afford it. I am angry that all the work fell on me, that I nagged and badgered for weeks to start packing, and that she never did a thing unless it was under my direct supervision, which led to these last few weeks of horrible screaming fights and stress for everyone. And then I feel so sad for her. She's like a child, all alone, no husband, no parents, no kids because she's driven them away, and few friends. It's just a rough situation.
I'm also just sad for myself. I have so many memories in that house. My dad built the gazebo, and my husband and I were married in it. The master bedroom has old etched glass windows that were in my grandparents' house in Pittsburgh, PA, and which my mom moved with her everywhere until installing them in her dream house in such a way that you'd have to destroy the walls to get them out. It had a beautiful library with built-in bookshelves and an oak ceiling, my favorite room in the house, and I'll miss it so much. But things look good in general - my mom's new neighbors seem awfully nice, and she has one friend who already lived in her new neighborhood.
So anyway. I have my life back. I'm so happy to spend more time with my kids again. I'll write about them soon! More time for my garden, I hope. I'm taking the CBEST and will look into substitute teaching this fall, to see if I like teaching. After I ran my last half-marathon in mid-July, I think I've laced up my shoes only once or twice, so it's time to get back to exercise, too. And baking bread and cooking yummy fall meals. I'm looking forward to a visit to our local Apple Hill (on a weekday, weekends are nuts up there in the fall). And more crafting time, too. I have so many projects in mind, mostly sewing, either quilted items or kids' clothing, but other stuff, too. We'll be setting the kids up with real beds soon. If I can get some good projects going, I might sell some stuff on etsy, too. I have lots of ideas going on right now, and it's nice to be able to consider them again! On the other hand, my house is also full of stuff I took from my mom, so I know I have quite a few days of sorting, organizing, re-packing, and getting rid of stuff in my future.
In the next couple weeks, look for me to be posting regularly again. I hope. There's still a lot to do around here, but life feels pretty sweet right now.
Monday, July 29, 2013
Life, out of control
Life is getting away from me. The kids turned 3. It was wonderful. They are wonderful, and difficult and beautiful and challenging and the most amazing people I've ever known. They're taking swim lessons, and Tadpole can swim! She's awesome! Turtle is capable, but too scared, which is ok.
They speak fluent Italian, and are improving their English every day. They play together a lot. They fight a lot, too. We've been camping with them a couple times. It's been fun, and we're learning more about how to make it work each time. I'm in the process of planning a big camping trip at the end of the summer. I'm very excited.
What else is going on?
- Turtle is potty training, pretty much on his own. It's really nice. Tadpole doesn't really get it yet, and that's ok.
- I informed the Waldorf school that the kids won't be attending. It almost broke my heart, I LOVE that school, but I think it's best for the kids not to have more changes in their lives. I still meant to write about that. The gist of it is that they've adapted well to their current school, they're making friends, they're happy to go, they have some good programs (like swimming and soccer), and I don't think it's worth the upheaval of moving them at this point.
- I ran another half-marathon. I felt good about it. I haven't had time or energy to run since, though (see below)
- I have lots and lots and LOTS of projects I want to work on. I hope to have time starting soon.
- I plan to move both kids to their own real beds in the next month. I want to get the Kura bed from IKEA and paint/decorate/hack it somehow. I'm very excited.
- My garden is doing great. I don't have enough time for it, though. I'm doing the best I can.
- I'm working on future career plans. Slowly. Again, see below. I'm too busy right now, but I'm laying the groundwork for what I hope will be a career change. And an actual career when the kids go to real school.
I'm spending all my free time, and have been for the last two months, helping my mom sell her house and now packing her stuff. She has a 6000 square foot house and is a pack-rat. It's been a lot of work. Like a part-time job. She lives 45 minutes away, so it's a long commute to my part-time job, too. It's exhausting. My brother finally showed up, fit as much of his stuff as he could into a full-size moving truck, left what my mom has said is a HUGE mess (I haven't been out there to see it yet), and is gone. He is also a pack-rat. Luckily, I was expecting him to both not be able to fit all his stuff and to leave a huge mess, so he pretty much met my expectations.
Now I'm trying to set up movers, people to haul junk away, a garage sale, a piano mover (I'm taking our old childhood piano, very excited about that), consignment store for all the extra furniture and nice stuff, cleaners, and more. I have also cleaned out a ridiculously full garage (not done yet), and the attic, and the giant library, and brought boxes and boxes of stuff back to my house. Not to mention e-waste to the dump. Let me tell you. I'm exhausted. EXHAUSTED. I desperately need a vacation.
Hence my absence. Again. I hope to do better. I like blogging and writing, and want to get back to it. So here's my list of excuses, and I hope to see you all soon.
They speak fluent Italian, and are improving their English every day. They play together a lot. They fight a lot, too. We've been camping with them a couple times. It's been fun, and we're learning more about how to make it work each time. I'm in the process of planning a big camping trip at the end of the summer. I'm very excited.
What else is going on?
- Turtle is potty training, pretty much on his own. It's really nice. Tadpole doesn't really get it yet, and that's ok.
- I informed the Waldorf school that the kids won't be attending. It almost broke my heart, I LOVE that school, but I think it's best for the kids not to have more changes in their lives. I still meant to write about that. The gist of it is that they've adapted well to their current school, they're making friends, they're happy to go, they have some good programs (like swimming and soccer), and I don't think it's worth the upheaval of moving them at this point.
- I ran another half-marathon. I felt good about it. I haven't had time or energy to run since, though (see below)
- I have lots and lots and LOTS of projects I want to work on. I hope to have time starting soon.
- I plan to move both kids to their own real beds in the next month. I want to get the Kura bed from IKEA and paint/decorate/hack it somehow. I'm very excited.
- My garden is doing great. I don't have enough time for it, though. I'm doing the best I can.
- I'm working on future career plans. Slowly. Again, see below. I'm too busy right now, but I'm laying the groundwork for what I hope will be a career change. And an actual career when the kids go to real school.
I'm spending all my free time, and have been for the last two months, helping my mom sell her house and now packing her stuff. She has a 6000 square foot house and is a pack-rat. It's been a lot of work. Like a part-time job. She lives 45 minutes away, so it's a long commute to my part-time job, too. It's exhausting. My brother finally showed up, fit as much of his stuff as he could into a full-size moving truck, left what my mom has said is a HUGE mess (I haven't been out there to see it yet), and is gone. He is also a pack-rat. Luckily, I was expecting him to both not be able to fit all his stuff and to leave a huge mess, so he pretty much met my expectations.
Now I'm trying to set up movers, people to haul junk away, a garage sale, a piano mover (I'm taking our old childhood piano, very excited about that), consignment store for all the extra furniture and nice stuff, cleaners, and more. I have also cleaned out a ridiculously full garage (not done yet), and the attic, and the giant library, and brought boxes and boxes of stuff back to my house. Not to mention e-waste to the dump. Let me tell you. I'm exhausted. EXHAUSTED. I desperately need a vacation.
Hence my absence. Again. I hope to do better. I like blogging and writing, and want to get back to it. So here's my list of excuses, and I hope to see you all soon.
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Notes and scribbles from my disorganized mind
We're having some insane weather here in the Sacramento Valley, very strange for the end of June. It's cold and rainy. I am LOVING it. I missed winter here - I spent it in Italy in the freezing snowy Alps (which was awesome for winter), but then we came straight back to California spring. I thought I would go an entire year without rain, so I've been so psyched for these rogue rain storms that have passed through the last couple months. Not to mention after hot weather, the cooling rain and beautiful wet earth smell is so uplifting and refreshing. I love cool mornings in warm pajamas with a cup of hot tea or coffee.
Like I mentioned in my last email, life is a bit crazy here. Luckily, the kids are in preschool three days per week, or I couldn't manage. I am working part time for my husband's company, which is not a ton of work, but it's a lot of responsibility, and it weighs on me pretty heavily. I am just getting started trying to move my mom out of her 6000 square foot house, which she has lived in for the last 20 years, and where my brother has left a ton of stuff over those 20 years and is not showing much intention to come get any of it. My mom is also a packrat. Oh, and she also doesn't really do anything when I am not there. She thinks I am going to handle it all. And she gives me a ton of sh!t when I am there about how I'm not doing enough for her. She makes me completely crazy. She has been a bit of an anchor around my neck lately.
So yeah. I'm spending every bit of free time I have doing crafting. I know it's crazy. I have made Tadpole a skirt, which we both love. Also lots of napkins, which I love. And a few other little things, like a few pillow covers. My big upcoming project is a window-seat cushion. The custom-ordered foam arrived yesterday, and I have the fabric, I just need the zipper now. I will probably start cutting fabric sometime this week. If I get a chance. I'll post pics when I'm done! I'm also making some outdoor pillows for our benches in our yard.
My exercise is really going by the wayside, which is really bad considering that I have a half-marathon coming up in just a few weeks. I'm finding that I only have time for one or two things that I want for myself, and when I'm working on crafting, I can't really find time to exercise. I wish I could find more balance.
To top things off, Turtle is sleeping really badly. Going to bed late, waking up early, and waking multiple times during the night. I wish we could fix this, but I'm not sure how. I know for sure we've developed a lot of bad habits - late bedtimes (but he still stays up really late in bed regardless of what time we put him to bed), too many sweets, not enough good habits like cleaning up after oneself and staying at the table. Having two kids going through the difficult stages at the same time is exhausting.
My husband invited a business acquaintance and his family to dinner last night. He told me that they had four kids. So imagine my surprise when they arrived and I saw four boys come in. And then a girl. I thought, ah, well, he didn't realize they had 5 kids. Then I counted again, and there were 6! SIX kids, between the ages of 3 and 9. And about an hour later, another older girl showed up, who I figured out after a while was the nanny (no one introduced us). And then my husband mentioned that he had invited his two coworkers. So we went from having a dinner for 10 to a dinner for 15. Can I just say that I felt like I had been run over by a bus?
I always wanted a big family, and I somewhat knew it was a reaction to having such a small family and no extended family when I was a kid. I wanted the big family holidays and family reunions and grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins, and I had basically none of that. But now, I'm not so sure. I've been yearning for a third child, and in some ways I still want that, but I looked at these people with their nanny and wondered how much time they spent with each child. How they managed doctors and dentists and school and activities, and meals and getting around town and traveling and running errands and all the LAUNDRY. And cooking! And washing dishes! They had most of their kids only one year apart, so I wonder how much they got to really treasure each child before the next one came along. I feel like we had a tough road having twins, but I am grateful that with only two of them, I get to spend a lot of quality time with them. I don't think I'd want a nanny to manage my kids, even though I'm often frustrated by the jealousy and fighting and limit-pushing and daily boredom that can come with spending so much time with 2-year-olds.
Anyway. I'm off shortly to my mom's house to go look at smaller houses for her to buy. I hope it goes well, but I'm really nervous. I'm especially nervous to show up there after not having been there for 4 days and finding that as usual she has not only not packed a thing, but her kitchen is a mess with dirty dishes and there is trash everywhere. I'm not sure I can handle it. How does one handle an aging relative who refuses to admit that she's aging if you suggest assisted living, yet expects you to help her with every tiny little responsibility because she can't manage anything herself? I'm really at the end of my rope here, and will probably be writing a lot about this in the next month or two. I'm just trying to remember that it will all work out somehow, or as my good friend says, "This too shall pass".
Like I mentioned in my last email, life is a bit crazy here. Luckily, the kids are in preschool three days per week, or I couldn't manage. I am working part time for my husband's company, which is not a ton of work, but it's a lot of responsibility, and it weighs on me pretty heavily. I am just getting started trying to move my mom out of her 6000 square foot house, which she has lived in for the last 20 years, and where my brother has left a ton of stuff over those 20 years and is not showing much intention to come get any of it. My mom is also a packrat. Oh, and she also doesn't really do anything when I am not there. She thinks I am going to handle it all. And she gives me a ton of sh!t when I am there about how I'm not doing enough for her. She makes me completely crazy. She has been a bit of an anchor around my neck lately.
So yeah. I'm spending every bit of free time I have doing crafting. I know it's crazy. I have made Tadpole a skirt, which we both love. Also lots of napkins, which I love. And a few other little things, like a few pillow covers. My big upcoming project is a window-seat cushion. The custom-ordered foam arrived yesterday, and I have the fabric, I just need the zipper now. I will probably start cutting fabric sometime this week. If I get a chance. I'll post pics when I'm done! I'm also making some outdoor pillows for our benches in our yard.
My exercise is really going by the wayside, which is really bad considering that I have a half-marathon coming up in just a few weeks. I'm finding that I only have time for one or two things that I want for myself, and when I'm working on crafting, I can't really find time to exercise. I wish I could find more balance.
To top things off, Turtle is sleeping really badly. Going to bed late, waking up early, and waking multiple times during the night. I wish we could fix this, but I'm not sure how. I know for sure we've developed a lot of bad habits - late bedtimes (but he still stays up really late in bed regardless of what time we put him to bed), too many sweets, not enough good habits like cleaning up after oneself and staying at the table. Having two kids going through the difficult stages at the same time is exhausting.
My husband invited a business acquaintance and his family to dinner last night. He told me that they had four kids. So imagine my surprise when they arrived and I saw four boys come in. And then a girl. I thought, ah, well, he didn't realize they had 5 kids. Then I counted again, and there were 6! SIX kids, between the ages of 3 and 9. And about an hour later, another older girl showed up, who I figured out after a while was the nanny (no one introduced us). And then my husband mentioned that he had invited his two coworkers. So we went from having a dinner for 10 to a dinner for 15. Can I just say that I felt like I had been run over by a bus?
I always wanted a big family, and I somewhat knew it was a reaction to having such a small family and no extended family when I was a kid. I wanted the big family holidays and family reunions and grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins, and I had basically none of that. But now, I'm not so sure. I've been yearning for a third child, and in some ways I still want that, but I looked at these people with their nanny and wondered how much time they spent with each child. How they managed doctors and dentists and school and activities, and meals and getting around town and traveling and running errands and all the LAUNDRY. And cooking! And washing dishes! They had most of their kids only one year apart, so I wonder how much they got to really treasure each child before the next one came along. I feel like we had a tough road having twins, but I am grateful that with only two of them, I get to spend a lot of quality time with them. I don't think I'd want a nanny to manage my kids, even though I'm often frustrated by the jealousy and fighting and limit-pushing and daily boredom that can come with spending so much time with 2-year-olds.
Anyway. I'm off shortly to my mom's house to go look at smaller houses for her to buy. I hope it goes well, but I'm really nervous. I'm especially nervous to show up there after not having been there for 4 days and finding that as usual she has not only not packed a thing, but her kitchen is a mess with dirty dishes and there is trash everywhere. I'm not sure I can handle it. How does one handle an aging relative who refuses to admit that she's aging if you suggest assisted living, yet expects you to help her with every tiny little responsibility because she can't manage anything herself? I'm really at the end of my rope here, and will probably be writing a lot about this in the next month or two. I'm just trying to remember that it will all work out somehow, or as my good friend says, "This too shall pass".
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Questions and quick update ...
I have so many posts I want to write! But this is going to be a real quick one, with just a couple questions.
1. This question is especially for those of you with boy-girl twins, but I would love feedback and opinions from anyone. My kids definitely have their own distinct personalities, and society is clearly having an impact on them choosing "girl" toys and "boy" toys to some degree, but when they are not around other kids, they tend to play together. In addition to "girl" toys, Tadpole plays with cars and trucks, and vice versa - Turtle plays with cars and trucks in addition to dolls and the toy kitchen. Tadpole's favorite toys tend to be her stroller and stuffed animals, and Turtle's favorite toys tend to be his trucks, but for the most part they both play with everything. They each have a couple special toys that are their own, but share everything else. But they're definitely starting to claim toys more and more - this is MINE, and that is YOURS. I'm struggling now that I'm starting to buy toys that are more "gendered" because I DO want them to have things that are special to each of them, but not to stereotype them as much as possible. For their birthdays, I'm getting Tadpole a cute little stuffed frog because she loves stuffed animals and especially frogs, and I also got her the IKEA bath set, which I'm expecting her to share for their role-playing games. For Turtle, I want to get a fancier set of blocks (like this one, maybe), but I want him to share it, so I feel like I have to get him something just for him, maybe another truck or something.
I know bigger issues are coming. We went to a store with cool wooden toys the other day, and they both loved playing with the (very gender-neutral) wooden dollhouses. (Why is a dollhouse a girls' toy anyway? Don't men live in houses?) They're expensive. I don't want to buy more than one. I'm considering getting it for Christmas, but who do I give it to?
So my question is ... how do you handle this? Who gets what? How much do they share and how much should I let them have their own toys? I think it's a bit more complicated because they have their own rooms, so any shared toys have to stay in the living room.
BTW, their big birthday present was a sandbox that I still have to post photos of, and their grandmother is getting them bicycles, so if it sounded above like we did a good job not overdoing it, I'm not so sure ...
2. Kind of random question - my husband and I are right-handed, although he has lefties on both sides of his family. I don't know of any lefties in mine, but I don't know my extended family that well, so I've never noticed. Turtle and Tadpole are both lefties. That seems awfully improbable. How weird is that? Also, one of my brother-in-law's two daughters is a leftie, so my in-laws have three out of four grandchildren who are left-handed, and they are both righties. I'm just pointing it out because it seems so odd! Cool, but weird!
Hope you are all having a good weekend. We are about to have some unseasonable cloudy cool weather, and I am LOVING it! One thing I don't like about where we live is the boring, two-season weather - hot and sunny all summer, rainy and cool (but never cold enough to snow) for a relatively short winter. I'd love a bit more rain and all-around slightly cooler temps, so I'm really enjoying this variety!
I'm up early to sew, a hobby that's really catching on around here. I'll have to do another post with photos of my recent crafting, and to catch up on life in general. It's been awfully busy here - my mom sold her house and is in the process of me packing her up while she does nothing, my kids are in swim lessons and summer preschool, and I'm just trying to hold it all together for everyone - crazy crazy times! And our first camping trip coming up, and my garden is doing great, and the kids' third birthday is coming up, too! Lots to talk about, soon!
1. This question is especially for those of you with boy-girl twins, but I would love feedback and opinions from anyone. My kids definitely have their own distinct personalities, and society is clearly having an impact on them choosing "girl" toys and "boy" toys to some degree, but when they are not around other kids, they tend to play together. In addition to "girl" toys, Tadpole plays with cars and trucks, and vice versa - Turtle plays with cars and trucks in addition to dolls and the toy kitchen. Tadpole's favorite toys tend to be her stroller and stuffed animals, and Turtle's favorite toys tend to be his trucks, but for the most part they both play with everything. They each have a couple special toys that are their own, but share everything else. But they're definitely starting to claim toys more and more - this is MINE, and that is YOURS. I'm struggling now that I'm starting to buy toys that are more "gendered" because I DO want them to have things that are special to each of them, but not to stereotype them as much as possible. For their birthdays, I'm getting Tadpole a cute little stuffed frog because she loves stuffed animals and especially frogs, and I also got her the IKEA bath set, which I'm expecting her to share for their role-playing games. For Turtle, I want to get a fancier set of blocks (like this one, maybe), but I want him to share it, so I feel like I have to get him something just for him, maybe another truck or something.
I know bigger issues are coming. We went to a store with cool wooden toys the other day, and they both loved playing with the (very gender-neutral) wooden dollhouses. (Why is a dollhouse a girls' toy anyway? Don't men live in houses?) They're expensive. I don't want to buy more than one. I'm considering getting it for Christmas, but who do I give it to?
So my question is ... how do you handle this? Who gets what? How much do they share and how much should I let them have their own toys? I think it's a bit more complicated because they have their own rooms, so any shared toys have to stay in the living room.
BTW, their big birthday present was a sandbox that I still have to post photos of, and their grandmother is getting them bicycles, so if it sounded above like we did a good job not overdoing it, I'm not so sure ...
2. Kind of random question - my husband and I are right-handed, although he has lefties on both sides of his family. I don't know of any lefties in mine, but I don't know my extended family that well, so I've never noticed. Turtle and Tadpole are both lefties. That seems awfully improbable. How weird is that? Also, one of my brother-in-law's two daughters is a leftie, so my in-laws have three out of four grandchildren who are left-handed, and they are both righties. I'm just pointing it out because it seems so odd! Cool, but weird!
Hope you are all having a good weekend. We are about to have some unseasonable cloudy cool weather, and I am LOVING it! One thing I don't like about where we live is the boring, two-season weather - hot and sunny all summer, rainy and cool (but never cold enough to snow) for a relatively short winter. I'd love a bit more rain and all-around slightly cooler temps, so I'm really enjoying this variety!
I'm up early to sew, a hobby that's really catching on around here. I'll have to do another post with photos of my recent crafting, and to catch up on life in general. It's been awfully busy here - my mom sold her house and is in the process of me packing her up while she does nothing, my kids are in swim lessons and summer preschool, and I'm just trying to hold it all together for everyone - crazy crazy times! And our first camping trip coming up, and my garden is doing great, and the kids' third birthday is coming up, too! Lots to talk about, soon!
Monday, June 3, 2013
June is here, how beautiful! (and more preschool discussion)
I'm sitting outside Turtle's room while I write this, and he's asking me to leave the door open over and over and over again. It's already propped open about 6 inches, he's going to drive me nuts!!!! Obviously, bedtime's not going that well these days. Our bedtime routine usually involves either playing or watching some TV after dinner while eating fruit, brushing teeth, getting milk bottles and lovies, going into Turtle's room and lying down on his bed, and telling a story. Then Papi stays with Turtle and I take Tadpole into her room while she finishes her milk and I usually sing her a song. While we do that, Turtle first protests that he wants Mamma, then Papi tells him another story and maybe sings a song, and then he asks for Mamma. Again. And I end up sitting outside his room listening to him talk to himself or ask me to come fix his blanket (like 10 times) and to leave the door open wider. I think now he's being quiet because he can hear me typing. Sigh.
Other than that, our only other big problems these days are fighting and crazy tantrums. Who said that the threes are worse than the twos? I'm beginning to suspect they're right. The tantrums are downright insane, and over the most ridiculous things. It is also true that you cannot reason with a toddler. They are little mad dictators.
Their third birthday is coming up in just over a month. For their birthday, I bought the supplies for a sandbox, and we spent a day last weekend building it together with the kids' aunt and Papi. It was a fun project. Tadpole helped by swinging constantly in her swing, which honestly was a help because it kept her from being constantly underfoot. The sandbox is a big success, at least for Turtle! Tadpole likes to sit outside of it and play with the sand, but is less excited about climbing in. Pictures will come this week, along with pics of my vegetable garden!
Speaking of the garden, it's doing wonderfully because of our relatively cool (i.e. not crazily hot) spring and a few spring showers that have kept the garden nice and moist. I think we're ramping up for a good year for homegrown produce. The weather has been so nice, and we just had our first really hot weekend, which was a great opportunity for having a few friends over for a pool party. In fact, I'm still in my swimsuit from a nice jump in the pool earlier today.
The other thing I've been wanting to talk about is preschool. While drop-off is still not fun, everything else seems to be going well. The kids are basically eating all their lunch, are happy about preschool when I pick them up, and seem to be making some friends, or at least are able to communicate with their peers a bit better. In fact, I made it a habit to stay and play with them for a bit after preschool, and Turtle then had a tantrum when I said it was time to leave last Thursday! He wanted to stay at school. With me there, of course, but still. He also played independently with another little boy for a long time while I watched, so that was huge progress.
Which makes me think I should leave them at this school. I don't think that it would be good, now that we finally are adjusting, to switch schools, even if I like the other school a bit better. They school where they are now is totally fine, and I just don't think the problems caused by a switch would be worth it. So I'm almost positive I'll be sticking with this school for the next two years, and I feel pretty ok with it. I just don't know when and how to inform the Waldorf school that we won't be attending. Sooner is better than later, I suppose. I still feel a bit nervous about removing what is essentially our "safety net", though.
Well, Papi is home from his run, and I hope to not be sitting out here in a dark hallway for much longer. Actually, I hope to be going to bed reasonably soon!!! Good night!
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