I can't BELIEVE that IVF starts next week. Holy crap! Where has the time gone? Only 9 days until I start Lu.pr.on! Which reminds me, I still need to get that stuff ordered. And only 7 days until my injection class.
Speaking of which ... I'm having terrible anxiety about the PIO. I'm not thrilled about the dozens of sub-q shots I'll be getting, many of which I'll probably have to do myself. But I'm so freaking scared of the PIO. I know that everyone says it's not as bad as they expected, and it's better than the suppositories, but OMG. A huge needle. In my ass. Every day for weeks. And possibly months.
It's not even the needle that seems like the worst part. It's the idea of getting these shots every day and getting more and more sore and having to keep doing it. If it was just one, fine. No problem. I mean, I'd hate it and I'd probably cry, but then it would be over and I could go on with my life. The idea of getting it over with only to start dreading having to do it again in 24 hours - that's horrifying. I'm already anxious now, I'm not sure how I'm going to live with the anxiety then.
Even worse, to me, is the possibility that I could get these freaking shots for two weeks for NO REASON. IVF #1 could easily fail. Hell, it's possible we might not make it to retreival or transfer, of course I know that. But somehow the build-up to that point seems better - sub-q injections, hope, monitoring, ultrasounds. It all sounds very optimistic and positive and pro-active.
And then - two weeks of IM shots in my ass and having no idea what the hell is going on and what will happen. And I thought the 2ww was bad with the IUIs! I'm not even there yet with this IVF and I'm already stressing about it.
Trying to take my husband's point of view and look at the bright side - at least the 2ww is slightly shorter due to the 3 or 5 days the potential embies spend on the outside before transfer. It's the tiny ray of sunshine I'm hanging onto.
That, and the idea that maybe they'll finally figure out what's wrong with us.
Showing posts with label progesterone. Show all posts
Showing posts with label progesterone. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
Weekend!
I had a weekend full of ups and downs, but right now I'm feeling pretty even-keeled right in the middle. I think it's because I'm right at the beginning of the 2ww.
Friday night I had my book club meeting, which was fun and thankfully ended early so I could go home and go to sleep. Saturday, my husband and I went to the farmer's market where I bought a beautiful casserole dish that I've been coveting for a while. We also bought fish and other seafood, and ground pork (reason will be forthcoming). Unfortunately, the fish never got put in the fridge and so spent 24 hours out on the counter while I was away. My husband is a little absent-minded and never noticed the bag in the kitchen.
I was away because I went up to Nevada City for a girl's night/weekend. It was fun, but I think I'm getting too old for this stuff. We did a clothing swap, had a huge dinner, and then went out drinking. We stayed up until 2am. I was SO TIRED, but I didn't want to be a party pooper, and I also didn't want to walk home alone, but I had to leave by 9am Sunday morning to get back for my IUI.
I told most of the girls about the IUI - the ones I am closest to, anyway. They were all shocked and said they had no idea we'd even been trying. They were all very supportive though, I hope that I don't regret telling them. Out of the 6 of us, 3 of us are married (the others are single, no significant other). I am one of the three married ones, one friend hasn't thought about trying yet (but they use natural methods of birth control and have had no accidents), and the other is experiencing infertility (I think only 6-9 months so far). That's pretty bad statistics for us.
I rushed back to Davis on Sunday for my IUI and got back way too early. That gave me time to get home and take care of a few things. The husband and I headed over and the clinic was 45 minutes late again! Is that normal? It's very frustrating to spend an hour of my Sunday at the clinic for a 3-minute procedure. There were about 3 other women/couples there, too. Busy morning for the clinic, I guess.
Then we had a nice picnic lunch at our co-op, and spent an afternoon in the garden. We bought chicekn wire and posts to build a fence around our community garden because we've had trouble with people walking through it, taking stuff, and leaving trash. Also, our garden neighbors let the weeds grow several feet tall right upt he border, and then they tend to collapse into our garden. The fence isn't super sturdy and it's only 3 feet high, but it's too high to step over easily and it more clearly delineates the boundaries of the garden, so I'm hoping it will help. We can also use it to grow things like peas and beans.
Want to know more about my garden? I'm growing tomatoes (about 30 plants, probably 6-8 different varieties), peppers (30 plants, 2-3 varieties), cucumbers, eggplant (not planted yet, probably 2 varieties), garlic, onions, shallots, leeks, carrots, lettuce, beets, radishes, green beans, basil, and parsley. I'm hoping to grow some pumpkin or winter squash, too, but we'll have to see how that goes. We get way more food than we can use right away - in the summer, I preserve a lot of it by canning and freezing it, and we give some away to friends. I do most of the actual gardening work. My husband is in charge of watering and he helps with bigger projects like the fence.
So anyway - that was my weekend. I'm actually feeling very positive about the IUI after all, but I'm trying very hard not to get my hopes up. More injections, suppositories, and plenty of waiting to come.
Friday night I had my book club meeting, which was fun and thankfully ended early so I could go home and go to sleep. Saturday, my husband and I went to the farmer's market where I bought a beautiful casserole dish that I've been coveting for a while. We also bought fish and other seafood, and ground pork (reason will be forthcoming). Unfortunately, the fish never got put in the fridge and so spent 24 hours out on the counter while I was away. My husband is a little absent-minded and never noticed the bag in the kitchen.
I was away because I went up to Nevada City for a girl's night/weekend. It was fun, but I think I'm getting too old for this stuff. We did a clothing swap, had a huge dinner, and then went out drinking. We stayed up until 2am. I was SO TIRED, but I didn't want to be a party pooper, and I also didn't want to walk home alone, but I had to leave by 9am Sunday morning to get back for my IUI.
I told most of the girls about the IUI - the ones I am closest to, anyway. They were all shocked and said they had no idea we'd even been trying. They were all very supportive though, I hope that I don't regret telling them. Out of the 6 of us, 3 of us are married (the others are single, no significant other). I am one of the three married ones, one friend hasn't thought about trying yet (but they use natural methods of birth control and have had no accidents), and the other is experiencing infertility (I think only 6-9 months so far). That's pretty bad statistics for us.
I rushed back to Davis on Sunday for my IUI and got back way too early. That gave me time to get home and take care of a few things. The husband and I headed over and the clinic was 45 minutes late again! Is that normal? It's very frustrating to spend an hour of my Sunday at the clinic for a 3-minute procedure. There were about 3 other women/couples there, too. Busy morning for the clinic, I guess.
Then we had a nice picnic lunch at our co-op, and spent an afternoon in the garden. We bought chicekn wire and posts to build a fence around our community garden because we've had trouble with people walking through it, taking stuff, and leaving trash. Also, our garden neighbors let the weeds grow several feet tall right upt he border, and then they tend to collapse into our garden. The fence isn't super sturdy and it's only 3 feet high, but it's too high to step over easily and it more clearly delineates the boundaries of the garden, so I'm hoping it will help. We can also use it to grow things like peas and beans.
Want to know more about my garden? I'm growing tomatoes (about 30 plants, probably 6-8 different varieties), peppers (30 plants, 2-3 varieties), cucumbers, eggplant (not planted yet, probably 2 varieties), garlic, onions, shallots, leeks, carrots, lettuce, beets, radishes, green beans, basil, and parsley. I'm hoping to grow some pumpkin or winter squash, too, but we'll have to see how that goes. We get way more food than we can use right away - in the summer, I preserve a lot of it by canning and freezing it, and we give some away to friends. I do most of the actual gardening work. My husband is in charge of watering and he helps with bigger projects like the fence.
So anyway - that was my weekend. I'm actually feeling very positive about the IUI after all, but I'm trying very hard not to get my hopes up. More injections, suppositories, and plenty of waiting to come.
Friday, April 17, 2009
TGIF!!!!
OMG, I have a half hour left of work and then I get to leave.
I have a busy weekend IRL, and pretty much nothing going on in my "infertile life" besides Clomid again. Clomid starts tonight, CD 3. Unless I suddenly start developing side-effects that I haven't experienced before, I won't really have much to say.
The only thing I can think of is that I was such an airhead. The pharmacy called me to verify my order, and said "Just HCG, right?" And all of a sudden I was like, wait a sec! I never even brought up the progesterone to my doctor - like, if she thought it helped, if it was pointless, should I be taking it this cycle, etc. I had to call the clinic and verify that yes, I should take progesterone, ask them to call the pharmacy, and then the clinic called me right back to point out that I had refills on the progesterone so I could just order it myself. Oh. Right. Whoops.
Meds to arrive on Monday. Second ultra-sound next Friday. Next Saturday I'm supposed to go up to the foothills/mountains for a girls weekend with friends. Now I'll either have to come back late Saturday night or early Sunday morning for a Sunday IUI, or I'll have to give myself my injection in my friend's bathroom Saturday night for a Monday IUI, and then ask to store my meds in her fridge. Either way, it's going to be a little awkward. And I really don't want to miss the wildflower hike she's planning, so I hope the timing works out for me one way or another.
But it will be well worth it, no matter what. I'm determined to be optimistic about this cycle.
I have a busy weekend IRL, and pretty much nothing going on in my "infertile life" besides Clomid again. Clomid starts tonight, CD 3. Unless I suddenly start developing side-effects that I haven't experienced before, I won't really have much to say.
The only thing I can think of is that I was such an airhead. The pharmacy called me to verify my order, and said "Just HCG, right?" And all of a sudden I was like, wait a sec! I never even brought up the progesterone to my doctor - like, if she thought it helped, if it was pointless, should I be taking it this cycle, etc. I had to call the clinic and verify that yes, I should take progesterone, ask them to call the pharmacy, and then the clinic called me right back to point out that I had refills on the progesterone so I could just order it myself. Oh. Right. Whoops.
Meds to arrive on Monday. Second ultra-sound next Friday. Next Saturday I'm supposed to go up to the foothills/mountains for a girls weekend with friends. Now I'll either have to come back late Saturday night or early Sunday morning for a Sunday IUI, or I'll have to give myself my injection in my friend's bathroom Saturday night for a Monday IUI, and then ask to store my meds in her fridge. Either way, it's going to be a little awkward. And I really don't want to miss the wildflower hike she's planning, so I hope the timing works out for me one way or another.
But it will be well worth it, no matter what. I'm determined to be optimistic about this cycle.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Thoughts
Still here, still twiddling my thumbs. And, unfortunately, still wondering what if?
I took my last prometrium on Sunday night. Tuesday afternoon and no sign of AF. I had a couple cramps earlier and was convinced it was coming, but I guess not yet.
I'm anxious to move on.
My last HPT was a cheapy dollar store test yesterday morning at 15 dpo. I'm still wondering ... what if?
If no AF by tomorrow morning, I will do one last HPT, just for peace of mind. Then I will just be resigned to this purgatory of waiting. At least with the 2ww there is a deadline!
I took my last prometrium on Sunday night. Tuesday afternoon and no sign of AF. I had a couple cramps earlier and was convinced it was coming, but I guess not yet.
I'm anxious to move on.
My last HPT was a cheapy dollar store test yesterday morning at 15 dpo. I'm still wondering ... what if?
If no AF by tomorrow morning, I will do one last HPT, just for peace of mind. Then I will just be resigned to this purgatory of waiting. At least with the 2ww there is a deadline!
Monday, April 13, 2009
Thanks
I was a bit surprised and touched to see the responses to my last post. I was very tired and feeling overdramatic and moody and weepy. I had a good cry and felt a bit ridiculous for myself, and also annoyed at my own self-pity. I've seen so many other IF-ers going through SO much more than I am, and I know I'm still at the beginning of the road.
So on Saturday morning after my post, my husband got up and we went for a long bike ride through a beautiful green valley with wildflowers everywhere and my spirits lifted a lot. The rest of the weekend went well.
I'm not having a beta. I guess my clinic doesn't do that for an IUI? Or unless you get a positive on a HPT? I don't know why. I had negative HPTs yesterday and today, but no AF, likely because of the progesterone.
I called the clinic this morning and was told to stop the progesterone and wait for AF. If it doesn't arrive by Friday, I'm to take another HPT and call with the results. Even though I know that this cycle is over, I'm not going to stick a BFN over there on the sidebar until AF arrives. I want it to be official. It is a little sobering to realize, as another blogger mentioned (and I'm sorry, I don't remember who), that I will not be having a baby in 2009.
So that's that. Although I did know that progesterone can delay AF, for some reason I didn't make the connection that it would therefore delay my next IUI attempt. I'm a little bit bummed about that. Impatience is the name of the game for me.
Congrats to those of you who got BFPs in the last week!
P.S. If anyone has experience with progesterone and delayed AF, I'd love your insight.
So on Saturday morning after my post, my husband got up and we went for a long bike ride through a beautiful green valley with wildflowers everywhere and my spirits lifted a lot. The rest of the weekend went well.
I'm not having a beta. I guess my clinic doesn't do that for an IUI? Or unless you get a positive on a HPT? I don't know why. I had negative HPTs yesterday and today, but no AF, likely because of the progesterone.
I called the clinic this morning and was told to stop the progesterone and wait for AF. If it doesn't arrive by Friday, I'm to take another HPT and call with the results. Even though I know that this cycle is over, I'm not going to stick a BFN over there on the sidebar until AF arrives. I want it to be official. It is a little sobering to realize, as another blogger mentioned (and I'm sorry, I don't remember who), that I will not be having a baby in 2009.
So that's that. Although I did know that progesterone can delay AF, for some reason I didn't make the connection that it would therefore delay my next IUI attempt. I'm a little bit bummed about that. Impatience is the name of the game for me.
Congrats to those of you who got BFPs in the last week!
P.S. If anyone has experience with progesterone and delayed AF, I'd love your insight.
Friday, April 10, 2009
2 days to go
12 dpo, 2 days to go.
I'm so tempted to test tomorrow, but I swear I won't. One of the reasons I want to is that tomorrow we're going biking in wine country, and then to a friend's house for dinner, and I want to know if I can drink more than half a glass of wine for the day. Problem is, if it's negative, I know there's a chance it won't be accurate yet because it's early, so I don't think testing tomorrow will help.
(Even though I bought the super-fancy early-testing HPTs, right? I should still not test a day early, right?)
I have been feeling sick and tired from the prometrium, so I left work early yesterday, went home, and took a nap. I feel much better today, much less crampy. I don't know if that's a good thing or not.
This wait is so frustrating. I am trying very hard to not get my hopes up, because I have serious doubts that even with the medications we could get pregnant on our own. I'm trying to remember that a BFN on Sunday means a call to the RE on Monday to set up my baseline ultrasound, and that a new IUI cycle has begun. I know that my rational brain will see it this way, but my heart will still feel broken.
Trying to stay upbeat but not TOO upbeat. It's a gray morning, but the sun is supposed to make an appearance later today. I'm looking forward to an evening out with my husband, a day of biking and a dinner with friends tomorrow, and then an early Sunday morning POAS session. I'm just hoping the time passes quickly (like these next 8 hours at work - they are going to be TOUGH!).
I'm so tempted to test tomorrow, but I swear I won't. One of the reasons I want to is that tomorrow we're going biking in wine country, and then to a friend's house for dinner, and I want to know if I can drink more than half a glass of wine for the day. Problem is, if it's negative, I know there's a chance it won't be accurate yet because it's early, so I don't think testing tomorrow will help.
(Even though I bought the super-fancy early-testing HPTs, right? I should still not test a day early, right?)
I have been feeling sick and tired from the prometrium, so I left work early yesterday, went home, and took a nap. I feel much better today, much less crampy. I don't know if that's a good thing or not.
This wait is so frustrating. I am trying very hard to not get my hopes up, because I have serious doubts that even with the medications we could get pregnant on our own. I'm trying to remember that a BFN on Sunday means a call to the RE on Monday to set up my baseline ultrasound, and that a new IUI cycle has begun. I know that my rational brain will see it this way, but my heart will still feel broken.
Trying to stay upbeat but not TOO upbeat. It's a gray morning, but the sun is supposed to make an appearance later today. I'm looking forward to an evening out with my husband, a day of biking and a dinner with friends tomorrow, and then an early Sunday morning POAS session. I'm just hoping the time passes quickly (like these next 8 hours at work - they are going to be TOUGH!).
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
This week is SO SLOW
10 dpo, 4 days to go.
I have nothing exciting to write about, I'm sorry.
Life is fun right now, but work is boring, and work is where I spend most of my time. It's really tough to get through each day, sitting at my desk in this cubicle surrounded by paper, the blinking message light on my phone, constant inane emails from the same people over and over who don't understand what I'm trying to tel them.
The Banff Mountain Film Festival last night was pretty good, it always helps to put things in perspective, watching films about nature and the mountains and the beauty of the outdoors. And it was nice to see a few friends, even if I was stressed out that we were late (I have to get over that).
There are so many blogs I'm reading in which the writers expect to know within the next week if their current cycle is successful. I'm happy to count myself as one of them, even though without the IUI I don't have much faith in a BFP.
I'm already picturing getting up to POAS and being able to crawl back into bed and tell my husband that it worked. It's a really, really nice fantasy that makes me really happy.
I'm trying to balance it out by picturing what I'll do if it's negative, too. But that really depresses me. I want to maintain a zen state of mind, but it's pretty hard to do.
I think I might be having some prometrium side effects - I feel slightly crampy, like I'm pre-AF, and have been feeling it for the last couple days. I also seem to be experiencing some skin issues (ugh, zits). I have no idea if either is related to the meds, though. I feel like so far I've gotten off pretty light as far as the progesterone goes.
Sunday is 14 dpo. I'm tempted to POAS on Saturday - since my last HCG shot was so much less than it was supposed to be (0.2 cc's instead of 0.5), I'm thinking that it shouldn't cause a false positive. But my goal is to hold out until Sunday. I'm going to really try.
4 days to go.
I have nothing exciting to write about, I'm sorry.
Life is fun right now, but work is boring, and work is where I spend most of my time. It's really tough to get through each day, sitting at my desk in this cubicle surrounded by paper, the blinking message light on my phone, constant inane emails from the same people over and over who don't understand what I'm trying to tel them.
The Banff Mountain Film Festival last night was pretty good, it always helps to put things in perspective, watching films about nature and the mountains and the beauty of the outdoors. And it was nice to see a few friends, even if I was stressed out that we were late (I have to get over that).
There are so many blogs I'm reading in which the writers expect to know within the next week if their current cycle is successful. I'm happy to count myself as one of them, even though without the IUI I don't have much faith in a BFP.
I'm already picturing getting up to POAS and being able to crawl back into bed and tell my husband that it worked. It's a really, really nice fantasy that makes me really happy.
I'm trying to balance it out by picturing what I'll do if it's negative, too. But that really depresses me. I want to maintain a zen state of mind, but it's pretty hard to do.
I think I might be having some prometrium side effects - I feel slightly crampy, like I'm pre-AF, and have been feeling it for the last couple days. I also seem to be experiencing some skin issues (ugh, zits). I have no idea if either is related to the meds, though. I feel like so far I've gotten off pretty light as far as the progesterone goes.
Sunday is 14 dpo. I'm tempted to POAS on Saturday - since my last HCG shot was so much less than it was supposed to be (0.2 cc's instead of 0.5), I'm thinking that it shouldn't cause a false positive. But my goal is to hold out until Sunday. I'm going to really try.
4 days to go.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Injection Super-heroine!
Yup, that's me! I gave myself my own injection! I'm SO proud of myself.
Granted, it was supposed to be 0.5 cc, and I only had 0.2 cc left. That's what gave me the courage to do it - knowing it would be really quick.
And also, because I'm a dumb-ass, I left my purse at my office. Luckily, the really nice train conductor believed me when I told him I had a monthly pass and let me go home anyway.
Hopefully tomorrow I find out how badly I messed up my knee. And how much the progesterone suppositories are going to affect me, since I take the first one tonight. Eek.
Still 10 days left in the 2ww.
Granted, it was supposed to be 0.5 cc, and I only had 0.2 cc left. That's what gave me the courage to do it - knowing it would be really quick.
And also, because I'm a dumb-ass, I left my purse at my office. Luckily, the really nice train conductor believed me when I told him I had a monthly pass and let me go home anyway.
Hopefully tomorrow I find out how badly I messed up my knee. And how much the progesterone suppositories are going to affect me, since I take the first one tonight. Eek.
Still 10 days left in the 2ww.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)