Beta #2

Beta #2 = 321!

Almost double in about 22 hours, so perfect! I'm so relieved and thrilled and still in shock. Here is the chart I've seen some people use - based on this, there's a chance of twins, but I kind of doubt it.



Unfortunately my lunch did not agree with me today and I've spent the last few hours in bed while everyone at work is worried I've given them the flu. It could be a pregnancy symptom, but most likely it's the greasy quesadilla I had for lunch - well, I'll try to use it as a learning experience.

Beta #1

Did NOT think I'd be writing this post anytime soon, but here it is:

14dpiui
Beta #1 = 164

At least for today, I'm pregnant!

Um ... not what I was expecting

I must confess that I broke down and tested yesterday after work. And then again yesterday night. And again this morning.

I was in total shock. I still am in total shock. I know it could still be bad - there are numerous things that can go wrong, from chemical pg, ectopic, miscarriage, and so on.

Still, for now, for once, I FINALLY get to be cautiously optimistic.

Still waiting on the clinic to let me know if I can go for my beta today - please let them call me back soon!

Struggling

I am hating my job right now. I'm bored out of my MIND. I hate paperwork and bureaucracy, and that's all I do. Worse, I am enforcing regulations that I think are not good policy. I don't like being part of the system.

I've stuck with this job for two years because 1) I kept thinking I'd be a SAHM by now; 2) my boss has been pretty cool with all the time I take off for If appointments, surgery, and trips to Italy; 3) the pay is pretty good; 4) I like the people I work with - most of the time, anyway; 5) I've never worked at a job longer than a year and a half and I wanted something longer-term on my resume.

But this job has no future growth for me. The promotion I have been eligible for since May is being held up due to paperwork issues, and there is no end in sight, while most of my peers have been promoted ahead of me. I've been ttc for almost TWO YEARS with no success. If IUI #4 doesn't work, we don't move onto our next IVF cycle until January/February. I will be stuck here another year at the very least.

I'm feeling down and depressed and unmotivated and hopeless.

On the other hand, I'm looking into maybe teaching English as a second language. Right now I'm looking at sitting in a cube until I retire, and I think I need something more exciting to work for. Some sort of goal that will help me figure out what I want to do with my life. Something that helps me get up each morning looking forward to the day, rather than dreading it.

I'm also giving more serious thought to adoption. I don't know if I can keep going through this shitty emotional roller coaster.

My POAS dreams have already started. I wish they'd stop. I only have eight days to go, and I need a little peace of mind.

November

I hate the 2ww.

Hate it hate it hate it.

I am only 5 days into it, and have 9 days to go (I love my little ticker at the top of my page - love it love it love it).

I had a busy, busy weekend, but no plans for this week at all. I'm worried it will go by slowly. I tend to break up long waits into manageable chunks of time. The first chunk was getting through the weekend, which was easy.

Now I have to get through to Friday, which is hard enough under normal circumstances (maybe I'll just try to be extra-productive this week, hahahaha). Then I have to get through next weekend, which should be a bit easier (but getting closer to D-Day, which makes it hard). And then I have two weekdays which will probably be REALLY hard. November 9 and 10, I've got to figure out a way to make them go quickly.

Only 9 days. 5 days, then 2 days, then 2 days. No problem. Ha. Maybe I'll try to break the 5 days down into some sort of milestone.

Regarding IUI #4 - insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. At least I'm not really expecting a different result, so I guess I'm not technically insane. Right?

IUI #4, here we come

I'm sorry, I'm so far behind on commenting. I appreciate all the comments recently and will be catching up with all of your blogs this week. Things have been stressful.

Also, something (either the Lu.pron, the Fol.lis.tim, or something else that I haven't figured out) has been giving me major headaches, which isn't fun.

I think my heart is already not in this cycle anymore. I forgot my Lu.pron injection this morning, the last one of this cycle. I took it an hour late, and called the clinic in a panic. They said that since I don't have that many follicles, there's not much danger that I will ovulate. Gee, thanks!

We went in yesterday morning for our ultrasound, and everyone was annoyingly cheerful and telling us that this is great that we learned so much about how I stimulate and people actually try to have an IUI cycle just like this and they just had a patient last month who got pregnant in exactly this situation.

I just wanted to say "STOP SMILING!" And stop acting like this is no big deal. To you, it's not a big deal. You are still getting your $1000 and the pharmacy got their $2500, and now I'm going to have to do it all over again. And in the meantime, we lost 2-3 months for this cycle, and I can't cycle again until January because I will be gone for Christmas, so that's not only at least 6 months wasted for a badly managed IVF cycle, but thousands of dollars, and days of headaches and something like 35-40 injections. But no big deal, right?!

Anyway. Still had 5 big follicles, plus a few smaller ones. IUI is on Wednesday. No progesterone this time, so after tonight, no medication at all for the rest of the cycle. HPT on Veteran's Day, November 11. At least I have the day off to cry in bed if I get a BFN.