Stress

I can't sleep.  Again.  Man, I wish I didn't have this problem.  My brain is just going nuts with all the stuff going on.

These are some crazy stressful days.  My kids start school tomorrow (!!!!).  We went and checked out their kindergarten room yesterday evening, and they seem really excited about it.  I am bogged down in all the details, though - what will I pack for snacks?  Since Tadpole's still not really riding her bike, what will be the long-term plan for getting her to and from school?  I just hired a new babysitter to pick up the kids from school when I have prenatal appointments and take them to swimming, but how will that work?  How do I get her on our emergency contact list?  What is this "kindergarten social" on Friday evening?  What do I do about the dental and health forms I never turned in, since at the time of registration in the spring, we hadn't yet had our dentist appointment (and still haven't had the yearly doctor check-up)?  I didn't sign up for any sort of volunteering, since Baby #3 is due in two months, which is when a lot of that stuff starts or gears up - I hope that's ok?

I've also put off tons of errands and chores until the kids start school, and now it's time to start planning and carrying them out.  I just made an appointment to get our oil changed and get new tires.  I also have a dentist appointment and eye doctor appointment in the next couple weeks.  And that's just the tip of the iceberg.  I need to take care of our home insurance, giant piles of paperwork, house cleaners, taxes (yikes), work for my husband's company, and plenty of other things.  It's pretty overwhelming.

And then last night, at 10pm, I heard from an acquaintance.  This is sad and tragic, and I suspect it's what has me sleepless.  I don't know this woman well, but we are neighbors, and her middle child is around the same age as my kids.  I know her mostly because we have a lot of mutual friends, although I suspect they are also more like acquaintances to her.  Under ordinary circumstances, she and I probably wouldn't be close friends ... we have very different personalities and lifestyles.  I ran into her at the library last fall and she broke down crying and telling me about her miscarriage she had just suffered at 10 weeks.  I was a little uncomfortable, because as I said, I don't know her that well, and she took me off guard and it was a very public place, and I didn't know what to say, but it was ok.  Then I found out she was pregnant again, and due just before me, which means she must be around 7 months by now, if not more.

Last night she messaged me to tell me that she just found out that the baby has multiple anomalies indicating serious birth defects that will, if the pregnancy is even viable, have a major impact on all their lives, require many expensive surgeries over a period of years, and result in a child that will need life-long care.  I don't know her family almost at all, but I don't think they are wealthy.  They already have three children, at least one of whom sounds like he is a handful.  I can totally understand how she must be completely falling apart, but I don't know what I should do about it.  I feel for her, as a fellow mother, and a neighbor.  I think she started chatting with me last night because her father is coaching soccer, and they got the team rosters and Turtle will be on a team with her son (the one who is quite a handful, I'm a bit nervous about that, too).  I don't really know the whole story, and how she discovered about the problems with the baby only now, so very late in the pregnancy.  I hope for her sake and for her family's sake that the pregnancy is not viable, and it ends in a way that is acceptable to the family, but of course I have no idea what will happen in the end.  And in the meantime, I am carrying a presumably healthy baby, and that seems awkward, too.

The whole situation is just, well ... tragic.  And I'm sure I will stress over it much more than is strictly necessary, but I really don't know what to do, except nothing and wait to see what happens.  Soccer will be starting soon, in any case, so I'll be seeing a lot more of this family.  And I heard from the parents of Turtle's other close friends, and they're all on a different team together without him.  I'm worried he's going to be terribly disappointed when he finds out.  I'm starting to regret signing up for soccer this fall, but I'm trying to keep an open mind about it.

I'm also having knee problems - twice now when I stand up, my knee pops really loudly, and I'm in pain for the next few hours.  The first time it happened, I freaked out, thinking I had re-injured the knee I had surgery on 6 years ago, but after a few hours on the couch, I was able to get up and walk again, and the soreness went away the next morning.  It happened again last night, but feels fine now.  I'm just nervous about it.  I assume it's the ligaments loosening up to get ready for birth, but I have a couple months to go still!  I guess I need to start being more careful, but I wasn't really doing anything out of the ordinary when it happened.  I'm considering calling the doctor, but I'm not sure if I should start with the midwife, my regular doctor, or go straight to the orthopedist.  I'll ponder it, I guess.

Today is going to be a loooooong day, and I woke up at 4:30, after going to sleep really late because I couldn't fall asleep.  I'm not even sure it's worth trying to sleep more at this point, since I will feel worse when I wake up, so I'm considering going and starting to sort the giant piles of paperwork in our home office.  On the other hand, the cleaners will be here this morning, and the kids will probably be up in an hour, so starting something that major might not be a good idea either.  Maybe I'll go for a walk before the kids get up ... good idea!  Off I go.