child care

We've decided to go ahead and look for an au pair to help us this coming year, since we'll have two kids starting school, a newborn, and I will very possibly have a lot of work coming up with my husband's company.  I keep trying to remember how hard it was when the twins were little.  Things are so different now, though.  Here are some of my thoughts, in bullet form - I seem to think better in bullets.

• I hate feeling like I can't do it all, especially since I don't have a full time job.  And sometimes I'd LIKE to have a real job and get out of this dang house once in a while, but it doesn't make any sense.  But it doesn't seem like it makes sense to have someone live with us to help when I don't even work (or at least, not that much).
• I feel like we already pay for a lot of help - we have house cleaners and gardeners (although our yard is huge and all landscaped and there's no way I could or would do that myself).  Having someone to help with something else makes me wonder what in the world I DO all day.
• Even though my twins will be in school, it's only 3 hours 20 minutes per day, and getting them there and back could be a pain.  Having someone to help with that would be nice.  
• Since they aren't the same gender, they will be on different soccer teams and will likely branch out into other different activities.  My husband doesn't help out with stuff like that, and we will soon have three kids in different activities.  I admit I can't be in three places at once.  Or even two.
• I have very mixed feelings about having someone live with us.  I am worried about lack of privacy in my own home.  It will make life easier for all of us, though, including the au pair.
• I keep reminding myself that my husband can't/won't do all the things a regular working dad would do.  He is the CEO of a quickly-growing technology start-up.  He travels a lot.  He does long-distance commutes a lot.  He's often not here in the mornings, and is also gone a lot in the evening.  He works every free moment he can find, including weekends.  I'll have three kids and one of them will be a newborn.  Someone will have to step in when my husband can't be here, and we don't have family to help.
• We'll have a built-in babysitter.  We NEED some couple time desperately.  Although I don't know if I can get my husband away from the computer enough to get it.
• At the risk of stereotyping and over-exaggerating, I find Italian women to not fit in well with our family's lifestyle.  I REALLY want the language boost this would provide for my kids, but I don't like how the vast majority of Italian women I've met tend to be shallow and very appearance-focused.  I want to have a good role model for my daughter.  To be fair, two of the girls who've responded to our ad sound like they might work out, but it makes me nervous.  A year is a long time for an influence that I may not find to be very positive.
• Along those lines, I'm not super excited about handing over a big part of raising my children to a total stranger.  I don't mean to sound completely negative about it, because I recognize that there can and WILL be a lot of benefits.  But this is definitely a drawback.
• I am excited about having someone else around sometimes.  I get very lonely.  I may be able to focus on eventually having a career again.  I will probably be able to sneak in some short runs and maybe get to the gym to swim once in a while.  There are a lot of positives to having an au pair.
• I'm uncomfortable with the whole employee v. member of the family relationship.  I'm assuming that it will just work itself out and we'll settle into a routine that will feel comfortable.

Anyway, that's just some stream of consciousness right now.  I'm not sure we can even find anyone and get this show on the road in enough time.  I'm due in 16 weeks, which is only about 3.5 months.  And I wanted the au pair to come a little while before the baby, so it would be easier on the kids.  We'll see!