The sound of raindrops

Hi friends.  Did you hear?  It rained.  It was beautiful, healing rain.  I can't tell you how thoroughly I enjoyed it how much I missed it.  It has been more than a year since I have seen a real rainstorm, and it made me want to dance with joy.  We still need a lot more to help with the drought conditions, but it was good.  For the next big rainstorm, I want to have a warm soup dinner and a cozy cuddle on the couch with a fire in the fireplace.  I can't wait!

Life is not bad right now.  I'm very busy.  I'm working a lot on stuff for my husband's company, I'm trying to keep up with all the housework, and more importantly, I'm trying to make exercise a priority.  I'll talk about that in a minute.

I also started seeing a therapist.  I'm not sure she's really what I need.  Within the first two sessions, she suggested that my mother is mentally ill and confirmed the tentative diagnosis my sister and I had made through our research (mostly dr. go.o.gle, but also reading some self-help and lay-person-friendly books).  She would not presume to actually diagnose my mother without ever having met her, but she confirmed that my description of her behavior is consistent with someone with a personality disorder.  She also gave me a book and it seems most likely that she has Bord.erl.ine Personality Disorder, possibly with some Nar.cissistic Personality Disorder mixed in (for fun!), on top of depression and anxiety.  Sigh.

The last few weeks with my mom have been as exhausting as usual.  It's very emotionally and mentally draining dealing with someone like that.  It's not so bad when I don't talk to her regularly, but one of her more annoying traits, which is consistent with someone with BPD, is the need to cling more tightly when she feels abandoned, which often means multiple phone calls per day.  Sometimes when I don't answer, she just keeps hanging up and calling again, over and over, and I can't turn off my phone in case my husband or the preschool needs to call.

Anyway.  Things are actually not bad, as I said.  We had a nice weekend.  I'm trying to exercise at least 3-5 times per week.  I'm swimming twice per week as part of that, and it's great.  I love swimming.  I'm trying to run 1-2 times per week and cycle 1-2 times per week, too.  I'm hoping to do a triathlon this summer, if not 2 or 3, but we'll see.  I still have hip pain, unfortunately.  I will probably try to make a doctor's appointment soon.  I keep saying that, then the pain gets better, but it always comes back, so it's probably time.  I'm tired of feeling like a creaky, achy old woman after I work out.  I also read that gluten intolerance can cause joint pain, in addition to other problems I have had over the years including digestive issues, fatigue/insomnia, and (drum roll please) ..... infertility!  Ah ha ha ha.  Yay.

So I am considering going gluten-free for 2-4 weeks.  It will be REALLY hard.  Insanely hard.  I'm married to an Italian, yo.  We eat lots of bread and pasta.  But I think it will be worth it, if I can either rule that out as the problem or figure out that it actually IS the problem.

I haven't had any time for my substitute teaching application, which is fine since I wouldn't have been able to actually sub anyway, I've been so busy.  I have a lot more work coming up for my husband's company, too, it should quiet down in April, I hope.  Since I am essentially working for free, the company is considering doing something nice for me, such as paying for cleaning, a weekend at a spa, or regular massages.  I'm trying to decide what I'd want.  It all sounds nice!  On the other hand, a series of personal training sessions sounds nice, too.  My sister's trying to talk me into taking guitar lessons, and I've contacted a teacher, but I am really feeling like it might be too much right now.  I'm overwhelmed.

And it's late.  And I should go to bed.  I hope all is well, you may not hear from me for a while with all this craziness, but I'll be back!