Monday blues

I'm having a rough time and feeling a little sorry for myself.  Boo.

I'm busy, so so busy.  My house is a mess.  I have so much to do, and a lot of it is boring mindless chores.  And the rest of it is important work that is stressful.  I don't have enough time.  I want the kids to spend both more and less time at school, because I need more time and I'm so exhausted, but I also miss them when they're not here.

Speaking of the kids, they are difficult.  Sometimes.  They're wonderful sometimes, too.  I think that just about sums up 3-year-olds.  They're very much into their toys and games, but they're not very good at playing independently.

I have a cold, and I am continuing to have issues with my digestion that are making me really unhappy.  Also, with all the work I have, I have not had time to go to the gym.  So physically, I am not feeling great.  My hip also continues to hurt after any type of physical activity, so I'm thinking it might be time to go back to the doctor.

Speaking of doctors I am STILL trying to find a therapist.  I have one who I've been playing phone-tag with, I hope to catch up with her tomorrow.  If that doesn't work out, I don't know.

Speaking of therapists, my relationship my mom continue to be problematic (I mean, I realize that probably won't ever change), and new problems have developed that are causing me a lot of anxiety.  She is now having legal issues with the buyers of her old house, and needs help (like I've said before, if I had a dollar for every time she said she needed help, I'd be rich).  When I think of my mom, I feel weary and old and worn out and beat down by life.  I hope my kids don't ever feel the same when they think of me.  I hope they think of me as someone who loves them, wants them to be happy, supports their choices in life, is their biggest cheerleader, and appreciates them 100% of the time.

Did I mention what my mom said about the Christmas gift I got her?  I spent some time going through photos and organizing a "family photo book" from the point of view of the kids.  Since it's from their point of view, it includes both my side of the family and my husband's side, of which my mom is very jealous.  There are probably more pictures of my husband's side of the family for two main reasons: 1. We don't see them nearly as often, so when we DO see them, it tends to be considered a "special occasion" and therefore we take more pictures; and 2. There are just a lot more people, when you count all the grandparents, great-grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, etc.  My family is very small in comparison.  So in order to get everyone in the book, there just had to be more space dedicated to my husband's family.

Anyway, I designed a photo book online and had it printed for my mom and my in-laws.  A little while after Christmas, my mom asked me if she ever thanked me, and I said no, and asked if she liked the book.  And she said "Well .... mostly."  Sigh.  The woman is NEVER HAPPY.  I realize that it doesn't sound that bad now that I've written it down, maybe I'm overreacting.

Just writing this has been a bit cathartic.  And now it's getting late, and my cold is making me soooooo tired, so I'm off to bed.