Still dreaming, wishing for a third

I am having a bit of a rough week, although I am not feeling too down about it, surprisingly.  I had some bad coughing fits earlier this week which seems to have caused some rib pain - muscle spasms?  Not sure.  It hurts to cough, and it hurts to lie on my right side.  I'm also having insomnia.  Again.  The rib pain makes it worse, so I took ny.quil last night, but while that helps with the coughing, pain, and insomnia, it makes me super groggy in the morning, and I sleep in when I should really be getting up and doing stuff.

Anyway.  A friend of mine went through infertility around the same time as I did (had an actual diagnosis of MFI) and went through 3 IUIs before conceiving naturally during a break cycle right before starting IVF.  Her daughter is a few months younger than my kids, she turned 3 in September.  My friend just had baby #2 last week, and I went to see him today.  He was precious, beautiful.  I was there for hours and didn't hear him cry.  I asked my friend to tell me all the crappy stuff, to remind me of the bad things, too, so I wouldn't want another baby so badly, but nothing she said sounded that bad to me.

My friend had her tubes tied, so she knows she's not having more kids, and she said that this time she's relaxed and enjoying it.  She lets him nap on her, sits for hours holding him, doesn't worry if the house is messy.  She looks wonderful.  She had an emergency c-section the first time (just like me), so she opted not to try for a VBAC but instead had a scheduled c-section again, and seems to be handling the recovery just fine.

It sounds like the biggest problem is her first child, her daughter, who is having regression and jealousy issues and has become really difficult to handle.  My friend said they've been trying really hard to give her attention and not have her feel left out but I guess it's not working that well.  I can totally understand, though - my kids are both three, and they are already super jealous of each other.  I can't even imagine having a baby right now, they would be horrified.

And yet, I can't help wanting one.  Just one more.  A family of five.  Another little one to hold and cuddle and snuggle, to watch grow up with his or her brother and sister.  I am so incredibly happy and blessed with my two sweetie pies, I know I wouldn't be heartbroken not to have another, not even close.  But that doesn't stop me from wanting another one anyway ... sigh.

P.S. I've mentioned it before, and I'm mentioning it again - I would not do fertility treatments again.  If I were to have another one, it would have to happen naturally.  So who knows if there's even a chance, anyway?