4 dpo, 10 days to go

I am twiddling my thumbs and dying of anxiety here. Where is my zen?! I need my zen.

In other news, since there is nothing at all going on for me in the ttc world, I thought I'd share a little bit more about my crazy disfunctional family. If you're not interested, skip it. Sorry! But it's the daily drama that's keeping me screaming, crying, and shaking my head in disgust.

Where was I? Right - I think I've mentioned that my mother and my sister-in-law hate each other. My brother is basically a grown-up baby who got his not-so-grown-up-baby girlfriend pregnant (apparently by accident) three and a half years ago. They got married - she wasn't old enough to drink at her own wedding, which was convenient since no one thought to bring anything to drink to their potluck shotgun wedding, not even champagne for toasts.

Two years later, despite the fact that they have huge college loans (well, just my brother, my SIL never went to college and maybe didn't graduate from HS, not sure), massive credit card debt, and two cars that they couldn't afford, they decided the time was right to have a second child. One and a half years ago, right when my husband and I started ttc. I was appalled at their lack of judgment and complete disregard for their financial situation, but excited that at least my kid would have a cousin in the area around the same age. (Hahahahahahaha!)

Incidentally, my brother wrecked BOTH of their cars within the last six months, and they bought two really nice, expensive, used cars (i.e. leather seats, CD changers, 4wd, etc.) - which, because no company in its right mind would give them a loan, my mother had to cosign for.

My nephew is now 2.5 and my niece is 8 months old. My SIL decided she'd had enough of my mother (who, admittedly, treats her like shit), packed up her car and her kids, and drove off to Washington, leaving my brother to clean up the mess and follow when he could. Which is apparently this weekend.

My mom, who has now "had it with in-laws" (including, apparently, my husband), wants to have a going-away dinner for my brother the night before my SIL arrives to help him pack (so she doesn't have to see her). And she didn't invite my husband either - she just wants the "core of the family".

She still sees herself as the center of a nuclear family with kids, despite the fact that her youngest kid is about to turn 29, two are married, and one has two kids of his own. I think she looks at my husband as sort of an annoying boyfriend who hangs around too much, and his family are interlopers who try to steal us away for what should be "family holidays" (i.e., with her).

So that is my gripe of the week. I have dealt with a lot of guilt about disliking my mother, and I have mostly gotten over it. While I admit that I love her in the sense that she is related to me and raised me, and I wish her no ill, no one ever said that you have to LIKE your relatives, even your own mother. And I am finally coming to terms with that, and feel at peace with it.

While this generally has nothing to do with ttc, my mother (and the rest of my family) is a huge source of stress in my life, and of course they will be family to any future children I may someday have, so there are some connections there.

To sum it up, thanks for reading this far!