I'm stupid

MORNING: Had spotting the same day as my last post (last Tuesday). AF arrived on Christmas Thursday (Merry Christmas everyone!). Depression didn't really set in right away. It was all the friends I spoke with whose sisters, sisters-in-law, other relatives, and friends are pregnant or have new babies that started to get to me. The conversation veers dangerously toward topics that I fervently don’t want to discuss among friends, and I wonder how often it used to do that and I was blissfully unaware.

I spoke with a neighbor (whose name I forget because I suck like that). He and his wife had a baby girl, born in October at 28 weeks. She just came home from the hospital. I didn’t even know about it. I wonder about their story, but I don’t know if I’ll ever know.

We got ANOTHER bill for the HSG, this one from the radiology lab. $1600. HOLY FREAKING CRAP. L and I are both pissed, and I can’t help feeling that he feels like this is somehow my fault. It makes me cry to think about it. Also, it is apparently my job to somehow fix the problem, and I don't know how. I guess I'll be a double failure. An expensive double failure.

We’re going to the Davis Infertility Clinic for a consultation. Next Tuesday, January 6. I’m cancelling the SHG. The doctor is supposed to call me today anyway, but I don’t know if she will. Either way, I’m calling to cancel. I’ve already started filling out the forms for the clinic. I’m actually kind of excited. It’s the only thing keeping me from not crying right now. I wish we had just gone with them earlier.


AFTERNOON: Argh, things just get more and more complicated. The doctor called, and was amazed at how much the HSG had cost. She told me I should call and argue about it. I’m tired of this.

She also said she was willing to just prescribe Clomid for me. I asked about the SHG, and was told that it would cost between $200 and $600, and the doctor’s visit would be $100-$300, so the total would be $300-$900. I think it might be too late to do Clomid this cycle. I’m also worried that it will be too late for the SHG, since it will be CD 12. Which seems a bit late.

I’m now waiting for her to call me back so I can ask about all these questions.

On a side note, I posted a question on an IF blog which has a weekly QandA with an RE. He said that they might check for a luteal phase defect, meaning the period between O and AF is too short, which could be evidenced from my spotting. The spotting could also be a polyp. Ugh. Anyway, there are two ways to treat a LPD (or so I’ve found in my 5 minutes of web-searching) – Clomid and progesterone. Clomid is also commonly prescribed for unexplained IF. So maybe it’s the way to go anyway.

Will try to update again if/when the doctor calls me back.