Am I dealing with infertility? I'm not really sure what that means. I get up every day, I do all the things I normally do (plus sometimes a few extra things like POAS), and I agnonize over things my hubby is totally calm about. Wasn't I dealing with infertility for the last few months, before we reached the final "month 12"?
Eh never mind. I can't form a coherent thought today, I'm way too busy at work and majorly stressed about Christmas gifts. The amount of stress I was feeling yesterday was extremely NOT GOOD for my fertility issues. So then I started stressing about how much I'm stressing. Crap.
Anyway, I think my positive OPK was Thursday/Friday. Which makes me nervous that we didn't really cover our bases this month, since we didn't BD after Thursday. What if I didn't O until Sunday? Argh!!!!
My mantra seems to be "too early is better than too late".
Well, only about a week and a half until I should either know for sure that it's negative, or just keep wondering. Sigh.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Friday, December 12, 2008
POAS hell
ARGH.
Deciphering this stupid OPKs is SO FREAKING HARD. Last night looked positive, but I couldn't quite tell. Today at lunch - looked positive, but I couldn't quite tell.
I guess we'll just keep covering all the bases.
Deciphering this stupid OPKs is SO FREAKING HARD. Last night looked positive, but I couldn't quite tell. Today at lunch - looked positive, but I couldn't quite tell.
I guess we'll just keep covering all the bases.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Scratch that
8:30 am
So ignore what I said yesterday about OPK and POAS. Well, don't ignore it. But consider that I POASed last night at 10pm (because I forgot) and got a fairly dark line. Not a positive. But ... well, I'm hopeful. I'll have to keep L busy for the next few days =) Will update during the day about POAS for today.
1:30 pm
Did my POAS thing at noon. Got an almost positive or positive (it was really hard to tell). So happy that we took care of things yesterday.
So ignore what I said yesterday about OPK and POAS. Well, don't ignore it. But consider that I POASed last night at 10pm (because I forgot) and got a fairly dark line. Not a positive. But ... well, I'm hopeful. I'll have to keep L busy for the next few days =) Will update during the day about POAS for today.
1:30 pm
Did my POAS thing at noon. Got an almost positive or positive (it was really hard to tell). So happy that we took care of things yesterday.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Feels like I'm standing still
3rd day of POAS. Still pretty much nothing. A bit weird b/c I was expecting O on maybe Friday/Saturday, so I would think I'd start getting some fade-in lines already. Weird.
So the doctor called me back the other day. She told me that since I was being so persistent, I could do another test that would tell them what my uterus looks like, since they didn’t get a good look at the HSG. She didn’t tell me what the test was, though, and I was on my way to the train station so I didn’t want to schedule it yet.
I was a little irritated with the “persistent” comment. Who wouldn’t be persistent? Also, I thought she’d talk more about what to expect, future plans, etc. She seems convinced I don’t have a problem, so she doesn’t even address the possibilities. I’m frustrated.
Anyway, I called and scheduled the appointment, but it’s borderline too late for next cycle, depending on when I get AF. The test is a sonohysterogram, which in my opinion is a bit redundant after the HSG (and confusing since it’s a SHG). I think I will keep the appointment for now, see if and when I get AF, and then possibly reschedule for the following month.
On the other hand, if we just got a diagnosis of unexplained fertility, maybe we could start on some medication. I really don’t mind waiting a couple more months, but I don’t want to wait too much longer. At this point, I’ll be 31 at the earliest if we have a baby. If we really do have a problem, maybe 32 or 33, and if we decide to have more than one, who knows how old I’ll be at that point? I don’t want to be heading towards 40 for a second or possibly third child (or heaven forbid a first, still).
So many of the bloggers I’m reading are pg after years of IF and they’re in their 20’s. That scares me. I know I’m not old, but I only have a few years left before my age is automatically a factor. That scares me too.
I am feeling rather tired and weary of this whole thing. I hope I can enjoy the holidays, keep busy, and stop worrying about it all. Unfortunately, after the holidays, there’s nothing much to distract me. And the next cycle’s O date is right around when I have to give a presentation to a room full of people at a big conference. Talk about stress!
Well, here’s to wishful thinking for a wonderful Christmas present.
So the doctor called me back the other day. She told me that since I was being so persistent, I could do another test that would tell them what my uterus looks like, since they didn’t get a good look at the HSG. She didn’t tell me what the test was, though, and I was on my way to the train station so I didn’t want to schedule it yet.
I was a little irritated with the “persistent” comment. Who wouldn’t be persistent? Also, I thought she’d talk more about what to expect, future plans, etc. She seems convinced I don’t have a problem, so she doesn’t even address the possibilities. I’m frustrated.
Anyway, I called and scheduled the appointment, but it’s borderline too late for next cycle, depending on when I get AF. The test is a sonohysterogram, which in my opinion is a bit redundant after the HSG (and confusing since it’s a SHG). I think I will keep the appointment for now, see if and when I get AF, and then possibly reschedule for the following month.
On the other hand, if we just got a diagnosis of unexplained fertility, maybe we could start on some medication. I really don’t mind waiting a couple more months, but I don’t want to wait too much longer. At this point, I’ll be 31 at the earliest if we have a baby. If we really do have a problem, maybe 32 or 33, and if we decide to have more than one, who knows how old I’ll be at that point? I don’t want to be heading towards 40 for a second or possibly third child (or heaven forbid a first, still).
So many of the bloggers I’m reading are pg after years of IF and they’re in their 20’s. That scares me. I know I’m not old, but I only have a few years left before my age is automatically a factor. That scares me too.
I am feeling rather tired and weary of this whole thing. I hope I can enjoy the holidays, keep busy, and stop worrying about it all. Unfortunately, after the holidays, there’s nothing much to distract me. And the next cycle’s O date is right around when I have to give a presentation to a room full of people at a big conference. Talk about stress!
Well, here’s to wishful thinking for a wonderful Christmas present.
Monday, December 8, 2008
POAS, rinse, repeat
First day of OPK POAS. Extremely faint line. I'm predicting a positive around Friday, give or take a couple days. I’m tired of POASing.
I called the doctor’s office this morning, too, but I got a message saying there was a high volume of calls. I’m not terribly interested in waiting on the phone, especially since there was no hold music and I kept getting suspicious that my cell phone had dropped the call. It was weird. I’ll call again this afternoon.
Although, I’m not sure what I’m going to ask. I hate to go in for an appointment just for her to tell me to wait a couple months. I hope if that’s what she has in mind, she does it over the phone.
I think this month’s two-week wait will be excruciating, but at least we’ll know around Christmas/New Years.
I called the doctor’s office this morning, too, but I got a message saying there was a high volume of calls. I’m not terribly interested in waiting on the phone, especially since there was no hold music and I kept getting suspicious that my cell phone had dropped the call. It was weird. I’ll call again this afternoon.
Although, I’m not sure what I’m going to ask. I hate to go in for an appointment just for her to tell me to wait a couple months. I hope if that’s what she has in mind, she does it over the phone.
I think this month’s two-week wait will be excruciating, but at least we’ll know around Christmas/New Years.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Tons of news
There is SO MUCH to write about this week, I don't even know where to start and I'll try not to get bogged down in the details.
First - Davis fertility clinic – yeah, not so much. They don’t diagnose or do tests, they only treat. They farm out the testing to labs, which means we could very well have ended up right back at the Sutter Davis hospital, which seemed silly.
The doctor called me early Wednesday morning (much to my own shock) and ordered an HSG. I was really upset b/c I thought we’d be missing another cycle, but hey! They scheduled us for Friday (this morning). I got a prescription for an antibiotic, which the doctor didn’t tell me when to take (so I spent all day yesterday calling and waiting for a return call).
Long story short, we had the HSG this morning, and everything looks fine. I think that in most ways that’s a huge relief. The HSG itself wasn’t bad at all – I read some stories online, and while most of the writers said they experienced cramping, and some said they had pain, I felt nothing. I did take two aleve this morning, which probably helped, but still. I was nervous, but that was about it.
They used the dye, which I watched on the screen as it went into my (teeny tiny) ute and out through the tubes. Crazy. I didn’t realize how small those particular body parts are, even though I’m sure I’ve seen pictures before. And now I’ve seen my own. Cool. Then they used some sort of oil which the doctors apparently believe can provide a sort of lubricant and increase the possibility of getting pregnant.
So there you go. Really nothing wrong at this point. I’m so relieved in most ways, although once again, it would have been nice to have some minor thing go wrong, have it easily fixed, and voila! No more problems. Still, hopefully this means that with no further treatment or minor medication only, we have a chance.
I’ll probably call the doctor on Monday, and see what she says. In the meantime, I guess I should go buy some more pee sticks and get ready for another month of ttc.
First - Davis fertility clinic – yeah, not so much. They don’t diagnose or do tests, they only treat. They farm out the testing to labs, which means we could very well have ended up right back at the Sutter Davis hospital, which seemed silly.
The doctor called me early Wednesday morning (much to my own shock) and ordered an HSG. I was really upset b/c I thought we’d be missing another cycle, but hey! They scheduled us for Friday (this morning). I got a prescription for an antibiotic, which the doctor didn’t tell me when to take (so I spent all day yesterday calling and waiting for a return call).
Long story short, we had the HSG this morning, and everything looks fine. I think that in most ways that’s a huge relief. The HSG itself wasn’t bad at all – I read some stories online, and while most of the writers said they experienced cramping, and some said they had pain, I felt nothing. I did take two aleve this morning, which probably helped, but still. I was nervous, but that was about it.
They used the dye, which I watched on the screen as it went into my (teeny tiny) ute and out through the tubes. Crazy. I didn’t realize how small those particular body parts are, even though I’m sure I’ve seen pictures before. And now I’ve seen my own. Cool. Then they used some sort of oil which the doctors apparently believe can provide a sort of lubricant and increase the possibility of getting pregnant.
So there you go. Really nothing wrong at this point. I’m so relieved in most ways, although once again, it would have been nice to have some minor thing go wrong, have it easily fixed, and voila! No more problems. Still, hopefully this means that with no further treatment or minor medication only, we have a chance.
I’ll probably call the doctor on Monday, and see what she says. In the meantime, I guess I should go buy some more pee sticks and get ready for another month of ttc.
Monday, December 1, 2008
New era
Here’s what my Thanksgiving vacation looked like:
Wednesday – rush around at work, rush to my sister’s office, pack up the car with all these heavy carpet tiles, sit in traffic, get to my mom’s house, unpack the car, start laying carpet, sweep floor with old wooden broom and get painful splinter in hand, communicate with husband several times about whether or not he’s going to come to Roseville that night, discover spotting, husband very sweet but doesn’t want to come, feel depressed and hopeless, brine turkey, have half-way terrible night of sleep in waterbed.
Thursday – clean my mother’s kitchen, work on laying carpet, husband shows up, make bread, make pie, sweep kitchen, notice more spotting, feel depressed, feel stressed, cook turkey, finally finish carpet, put stuff back in family room, host huge number of people for dinner, drink lots of wine, don’t overeat (except for dessert), get painful splinter out of hand, have terrible night of sleep on the floor.
Friday – get period full-on, set up Christmas tree, unpack very basics for Christmas décor, have cramps, have lunch, brave ridiculous holiday crowds to buy some gifts, have more cramps, go out for nice expensive dinner, fall asleep in car on way home, fall into own bed for a fantabulous night of sleep.
Saturday – clean house, weed garden, out for lunch with husband, shopping for friend’s baby shower gift, work on mosaic, make turkey soup, discover that Cricket likes turkey, nice quiet dinner at home, buy books at bookstore (mostly husband), relax on couch to read together, go to bed for another wonderful night of sleep.
Sunday – sleep in, read, clean, early lunch, go stair-climbing and bouldering, bake bread (3 baguettes, 2 focaccias, 8 small French breads, 2 whole wheat loaves), lovely dinner of peperonata and leftover turkey.
TODAY – sucks! I checked the train this morning about 20 minutes before it should arrive (5 minutes before I need to leave) and it says on time (for 7:12). I get to the train station and the automated announcements say that it is arriving at 8:12. I thought, hmmmmm, that’s a little weird, their announcement is an hour off. Gradually, the announcements started getting later (8:14, 8:15, etc.). The train to the bay area pulled up, and EVERYONE on the platform got on. There was no one left waiting for the train to Sacramento. Then I hear the announcement that there is a bus heading to Sac, and sure enough, there everyone is, boarding the bus. People are stowing their bikes under the bus, which I’m not crazy about at all. I biked home, got the car, got the husband, gave the husband a ride to work, and got to work about an hour late. After waking up 20 minutes early.
Then I called the doctor about our IF problems. Doctor is out until Wednesday. I ask about talking to another doctor – they say they’d prefer I talk to my own doctor, but if she doesn’t get back to me on Wednesday, someone else can call me back. So I sent an email to the Davis fertility clinic.
It would have maybe been easier and cheaper to go with them first, and probably less delay and more information up front. It’s so frustrating. My OBGYN is very nice, but her office hasn’t really given us any official information about our situation, and all the info we’ve received has been over the phone after I’ve left a million messages. I feel like I want to be more involved in the process.
So am I infertile now? I’m not really sure, since I don’t know exactly when L and I started trying. I would say probably not until the end of the month under the strict one-year definition. However, for a couple our age who are just shy of a year ttc and still not pg – I’d say yes. So for this month, I’d call us “almost-IF”, and then definitely IF at the end of the month.
I’ll post more when I know more about our options and who we’ll be working with. To complicate the matter, it’s the end of the year, which makes this a pain for insurance purposes, and the holidays probably make it difficult to make appointments.
I’m feeling a strange combination of resignation, calmness, frustration, and impatience. I’m calm because I’m relieved to finally be moving forward and not waiting to see what will happen, but impatient because I have to wait to move forward because the doctors aren’t available! Argh!!!!
More later.
Wednesday – rush around at work, rush to my sister’s office, pack up the car with all these heavy carpet tiles, sit in traffic, get to my mom’s house, unpack the car, start laying carpet, sweep floor with old wooden broom and get painful splinter in hand, communicate with husband several times about whether or not he’s going to come to Roseville that night, discover spotting, husband very sweet but doesn’t want to come, feel depressed and hopeless, brine turkey, have half-way terrible night of sleep in waterbed.
Thursday – clean my mother’s kitchen, work on laying carpet, husband shows up, make bread, make pie, sweep kitchen, notice more spotting, feel depressed, feel stressed, cook turkey, finally finish carpet, put stuff back in family room, host huge number of people for dinner, drink lots of wine, don’t overeat (except for dessert), get painful splinter out of hand, have terrible night of sleep on the floor.
Friday – get period full-on, set up Christmas tree, unpack very basics for Christmas décor, have cramps, have lunch, brave ridiculous holiday crowds to buy some gifts, have more cramps, go out for nice expensive dinner, fall asleep in car on way home, fall into own bed for a fantabulous night of sleep.
Saturday – clean house, weed garden, out for lunch with husband, shopping for friend’s baby shower gift, work on mosaic, make turkey soup, discover that Cricket likes turkey, nice quiet dinner at home, buy books at bookstore (mostly husband), relax on couch to read together, go to bed for another wonderful night of sleep.
Sunday – sleep in, read, clean, early lunch, go stair-climbing and bouldering, bake bread (3 baguettes, 2 focaccias, 8 small French breads, 2 whole wheat loaves), lovely dinner of peperonata and leftover turkey.
TODAY – sucks! I checked the train this morning about 20 minutes before it should arrive (5 minutes before I need to leave) and it says on time (for 7:12). I get to the train station and the automated announcements say that it is arriving at 8:12. I thought, hmmmmm, that’s a little weird, their announcement is an hour off. Gradually, the announcements started getting later (8:14, 8:15, etc.). The train to the bay area pulled up, and EVERYONE on the platform got on. There was no one left waiting for the train to Sacramento. Then I hear the announcement that there is a bus heading to Sac, and sure enough, there everyone is, boarding the bus. People are stowing their bikes under the bus, which I’m not crazy about at all. I biked home, got the car, got the husband, gave the husband a ride to work, and got to work about an hour late. After waking up 20 minutes early.
Then I called the doctor about our IF problems. Doctor is out until Wednesday. I ask about talking to another doctor – they say they’d prefer I talk to my own doctor, but if she doesn’t get back to me on Wednesday, someone else can call me back. So I sent an email to the Davis fertility clinic.
It would have maybe been easier and cheaper to go with them first, and probably less delay and more information up front. It’s so frustrating. My OBGYN is very nice, but her office hasn’t really given us any official information about our situation, and all the info we’ve received has been over the phone after I’ve left a million messages. I feel like I want to be more involved in the process.
So am I infertile now? I’m not really sure, since I don’t know exactly when L and I started trying. I would say probably not until the end of the month under the strict one-year definition. However, for a couple our age who are just shy of a year ttc and still not pg – I’d say yes. So for this month, I’d call us “almost-IF”, and then definitely IF at the end of the month.
I’ll post more when I know more about our options and who we’ll be working with. To complicate the matter, it’s the end of the year, which makes this a pain for insurance purposes, and the holidays probably make it difficult to make appointments.
I’m feeling a strange combination of resignation, calmness, frustration, and impatience. I’m calm because I’m relieved to finally be moving forward and not waiting to see what will happen, but impatient because I have to wait to move forward because the doctors aren’t available! Argh!!!!
More later.
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