Lilypie - Pregnancy

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Struggling

I am hating my job right now. I'm bored out of my MIND. I hate paperwork and bureaucracy, and that's all I do. Worse, I am enforcing regulations that I think are not good policy. I don't like being part of the system.

I've stuck with this job for two years because 1) I kept thinking I'd be a SAHM by now; 2) my boss has been pretty cool with all the time I take off for If appointments, surgery, and trips to Italy; 3) the pay is pretty good; 4) I like the people I work with - most of the time, anyway; 5) I've never worked at a job longer than a year and a half and I wanted something longer-term on my resume.

But this job has no future growth for me. The promotion I have been eligible for since May is being held up due to paperwork issues, and there is no end in sight, while most of my peers have been promoted ahead of me. I've been ttc for almost TWO YEARS with no success. If IUI #4 doesn't work, we don't move onto our next IVF cycle until January/February. I will be stuck here another year at the very least.

I'm feeling down and depressed and unmotivated and hopeless.

On the other hand, I'm looking into maybe teaching English as a second language. Right now I'm looking at sitting in a cube until I retire, and I think I need something more exciting to work for. Some sort of goal that will help me figure out what I want to do with my life. Something that helps me get up each morning looking forward to the day, rather than dreading it.

I'm also giving more serious thought to adoption. I don't know if I can keep going through this shitty emotional roller coaster.

My POAS dreams have already started. I wish they'd stop. I only have eight days to go, and I need a little peace of mind.

7 comments:

  1. Sun, I am sorry your job is sucking at the moment. It's hard to be bored! Glad to hear that you are giving adoption a second thought. My DH and I are doing some talking/thinking about that too...we have our first "official" meeting with someone this weekend. I hope you find that piece of mind sooner than you think! (((HUGS)))

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  2. I am so sorry that your job is not providing you with the distraction you need right now. This limbo we live in is no fun! Afraid to commit ourselves to moving forward, while we wait for something that we can only hope for.

    I encourage you to seek out new things to keep your mind and heart busy as you wait. Sending prayers that you will find a level of peace to get you through the days ahead.

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  3. I'm sorry your job is not going well. I've been there. Hopefully something can change and you will be in a better place soon. Is there something outside of the job and TTC that you can find to keep you engaged?

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  4. I am so sorry for what you are going through. Working in an area you aren't passionate about is pretty unbearable. I've been there...and when TTC is your main priority, work just sucks that much more!

    Praying for this cycle to be the one for you.

    XOXO

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  5. Hope you manage a little peace and calmness in the coming days.

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  6. Teaching ESL can be very rewarding, and interesting too! A change in job might be just what you need to re-motivate you and make you feel happy to get up and go in the morning. A job you hate will drag you down all week, and can even bleed over into your weekends, and can have a huge toll on your emotional health (can you tell I'm talking from experience here?).
    I hope the next few days go a little quicker. Still keeping my fingers crossed for you!

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  7. Going to a job you hate everyday, TOTALLY sucks! I feel your pain. I'm so sorry, hon.

    I'm sending you lots of peace for you and your mind.
    *HUGS*

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Thanks for sharing your thoughts!