I saw this on a blog or website somewhere recently, I don't even remember the context, but I thought - that's it! That is something I need to hang on to, this idea that things ebb and flow.
First, it is good to remember that sometimes things will be good and sometimes things will be bad, and they will never stay that way forever. That life is always full of ups and downs, and I need to remember to treasure the ups while they last and bear with the downs because I know that things will be looking up again soon.
But also I like the idea of remembering that time passes, sometimes it passes more quickly than other times, but nonetheless I will get through whatever it is that is bringing me down or making me irritable. Time will ebb and flow and so will my life, right along with it.
I am feeling more at peace. Thanks to all who sent me good wishes. Today is 9dpiui, but it doesn't really matter. Today is Friday, which is what matters. A day to see my friends at work and forget about the crappy stuff that is going on here. A day to think about my future - my evening with my husband, my weekend with friends and family, going to a new crochet/knit group in my town on Monday, a dinner with Italian friends on Tuesday. I'm thankful to be busy and have so many people in my life, family and friends, old and new.
I think it helps that I am working hard on organizing my house - I feel in some ways that it is a metaphor for me. It has been cluttered and disorganized, with half-done forgotten projects, papers that have needed to be filed for a year, things always being put aside because I would get to them later. Just like me and my life - a half-finished project at which I am faltering because I've lost sight of my goals, even my short-term ones.
And maybe I still don't know what the goals are, but at least I'm working on figuring them out, which is a huge step in the right direction. And along with determining my goals, I'm examining my soul, and my prejudices and my preconceived notions. I know it's a work in progress and always will be, but as the days ebb and flow, I hope that I gradually become the person that I want someday to be.
Maybe it's the season, it's paradoxically a time of being social and going to parties, but also of introspection and thinking and stirring up thoughts and feelings as the weather turns cold and we spend more time indoors, curled up in our houses like they are coccoons. Enjoying the beauty of autumn and the quiet of winter while dreaming of new life in spring. We're all really butterflies, getting ready to stretch our wings.