The right decision

I got home from work yesterday, hopped upstairs on my crutches, and picked up the mail. There was a fat envelope from B.l.ue C.ro.ss. I held my breath, stuffed the mail into the side pocket of my backpack, and let myself into the house while my cat gratefully charged out into the great wide yonger (don't worry, she and the birds are all safe - she never goes more than about 20 feet away and meows at the birds so she'll never catch them).

Anyway, I anxiously opened it and ... my insurance is PAYING FOR MY KNEE SURGERY! I mean, they're supposed to pay for my knee surgery, but I was expecting some document in legalese to explain why they weren't obligated or something like that. That put a huge smile on my face.

Today I had physical therapy and saw the orthopedist. Both of them said I was doing amazingly well for three weeks post-op, and gave me the go-ahead to start riding an exercise bike, and to start trying to walk next Friday. I could be off the crutches completely in 2-3 weeks. That made my DAY. Actually, that made my WEEK. Seriously guys, if you have never been on crutches before, it SUCKS. At least, once you're over the age of 12.

Anyway, the point of this post is that I am incredibly grateful that things with my knee are going so well and that I only have to pay the balance on my deductible for the knee surgery, rehab, doctor's visits, and everything else. I wish I could bottle up the feeling, or somehow preserve it or remember it for those days when I really get down, like when IF kicks my ass or things at work suck. I want to come back and remember this happiness I'm feeling right now.

Wait until I get to ride my REAL bike again - my smile will be blinding.

AND - I'm about to go get chocolate frozen yogurt as an afternoon treat. What a great way to end the week!

Baseline u/s for IVF #1

IVF #1 is right around the corner.

I had my baseline today. Everything looked good, thin uterine lining (from the BCPs) and no cysts. The doctor didn't say a word about resting follicles (antral follices?) but I can more or less recognize them now and it looked like there were a lot. Yay!

The gave us a huge pile of forms to take home, read, and sign. I'm not 100% thrilled with all of it. The part that gets me the most is that if you do the shared risk package (1 fresh IVF, up to 6 FETs until all preserved embryos are gone, and then another fresh IVF), if any pregnancy, through IVF OR spontaneous, makes it past 10 weeks, you forfeit any further treatment. So if IVF #1 or any FET works, or I somehow magically spontaneously get pregnant (that's like spontaneous combustion, right?), and I miscarry at 11 weeks, that's it. Start from scratch.

I'm not really ok with that. Why not 12 weeks? Isn't that when the risk of miscarriage really goes down? I mean, maybe they're not counting the two weeks pre-transfer, but I thought 10 weeks gestation was universally understood to mean 10 weeks since the beginning of the cycle when you get pregnant.

Well, we will bring this up with them before signing the forms. Otherwise, I'm so excited to get started.

Except I just realized that I didn't ask the doctor about PIO v. suppositories. Crap. I guess I'm getting PIO. I'll write my next post about progesterone and the various feelings I have toward it (mostly dread) and why I objectively think suppositories might be better (international travel).

BTW - I hope it's obvious that I wrote my last post under the influence of Vi.cod.in. I think it was the last one I took. My leg is doing much better, although my lack of mobility is still frustrating the heck out of me.

Oh, and I lost weight! At least 6 pounds! Nar.c.otic painkillers, loss of appetite, vomiting, and MAJOR loss of leg muscle will probably do that, though. Seriously, I don't have a right quad muscle anymore, it's very sad. At least my right leg could be a supermodel (not the rest of me, though).

Long rambling post, but the moral of the story is - it's good to be back in the game.

Happy Labor Day weekend

Well. I survived the surgery. I have been through an awful lot in the last few days, including complete incoherence, vomiting, the inability to stay awake and/or lucid, intense pain, crazy muscle spasms that made me cry or woke me up in the middle of the night, and more. My leg is wrapped up in a bandage and I have no idea what things look like under there. I haven't been able to shower yet, but my husband and I realized last night that he could wash my hair in the sink, and it was pure heaven.

I don't have anything exciting talk about unless anyone wants to hear about leg stretching or what to do for fun when you are stuck in bed or on the couch all day.

I'm really looking forward to IVF now - I feel like if I can handle knee surgery, I can handle anything. And my husband has been awesome, making sure I am comfortable, preparing amazing meals that I can only force myself to eat a bite of, cleaning up after me, getting me barf bags, washing my hair(!), getting up in the middle of the night to get me water and help me to the bathroom. He is SO AWESOME. I'm so lucky. Even if I never get pregnant, I know I'm so incredibly lucky to have this wonderful guy who obviously loves me so much.

Have a good rest of the holiday weekend!

miscellaneous

Dentist appointment yesterday. Funny how EVERYTHING reminds me of infertility somehow. I remember going to the dentist in July 2008 (I had to look that up) and deciding to get my x-rays done then because in 6 months I'd be pregnant. I even TOLD the hygeinist that. Sheesh, what an idiot I was.

The somewhat close friends I have, who are pregnant, are at the hospital right now, becoming parents. I have such mixed feelings about it. I'm happy that at least some of my friends are having kids (most of my closer friends aren't even considering yet, and I want to shake them and tell them how foolish it is to wait when they don't know if they're even fertile). I'm happy for them, especially because they seem so excited. I'm curious to find out whether they're having a boy or a girl (they didn't find out), and what names they've picked out (they won't share).

I'm also so sad for me. They started trying almost a YEAR after we did, and their baby will probably be born today. We're still months away from even getting started. Their journey from ttc to baby was less than a year. Ours will be, at the very least, almost three years. If we're lucky. Their journey was practically free. Ours will cost tens of thousands of dollars.

I'm so sad about all of that.

On the other hand - I'm also realizing that time is sort of flying. I'm supposed to call the IF clinic in September when AF arrives so I can start birth control, but I'm expecting it around August 30 (and then again around September 27 - does anyone know if I should wait until then?). I'm supposed to start Lupron around October 14, stims around October 21. So only two months to go until I'm in the thick of it.

And only two weeks to go until knee surgery. Which will probably take my mind off things for a while anyway.

And only forty minutes until I get to leave work for the day. Thank goodness for small miracles.

Beginnings of a plan

I'm still waiting to hear from the orthopedic surgeon to see what he thinks about scheduling an IVF cycle soon after knee surgery, but my RE said she thought it was fine. So I'm beginning to get a schedule in mind. I don't think my husband is even willing to discuss it until I hear from both doctors though.

*** To clear up some confusion about my insurance - we have a high-deductible HSA (health savings account) plan. Once we meet our deductible (which is, as the name suggests, quite high), insurance pays for just about everything for the rest of the year (except, of course, infertility treatment). We have already met our deductible this year, so it just makes sense to try to do any expensive covered procedures before the end of the year. The insurance is through my husband, who owns his own company, so that will not be changing anytime soon. I declined my rather nice insurance through the state in September, conveniently right before we started seeing the OBGYN about infertility (argh, hindsight). I could theoretically get my own insurance for next year, but it sounds like none of the options my work offers cover infertility. It's complicated. ***

Here's the plan that's in my head:

July 11 - triathlon!
July 31-August 10 - Alaska (woohoo!)
August 16 - turn 31 (yay for birthday! boo for getting old)
August 30 - possible relay triathlon with coworkers (last hurrah)
September 3 - knee surgery
September 4-11 - off work for recovery
October 13 - approximate start date of Lupron (6 weeks after surgery)
October 21 - approximate start date of stims (7 weeks after surgery)
November 1-7 - projected possible dates of ER and ET (9 weeks after surgery)

This sounds reasonable to me. What do you think?