Tuesday, August 18, 2009


Dentist appointment yesterday. Funny how EVERYTHING reminds me of infertility somehow. I remember going to the dentist in July 2008 (I had to look that up) and deciding to get my x-rays done then because in 6 months I'd be pregnant. I even TOLD the hygeinist that. Sheesh, what an idiot I was.

The somewhat close friends I have, who are pregnant, are at the hospital right now, becoming parents. I have such mixed feelings about it. I'm happy that at least some of my friends are having kids (most of my closer friends aren't even considering yet, and I want to shake them and tell them how foolish it is to wait when they don't know if they're even fertile). I'm happy for them, especially because they seem so excited. I'm curious to find out whether they're having a boy or a girl (they didn't find out), and what names they've picked out (they won't share).

I'm also so sad for me. They started trying almost a YEAR after we did, and their baby will probably be born today. We're still months away from even getting started. Their journey from ttc to baby was less than a year. Ours will be, at the very least, almost three years. If we're lucky. Their journey was practically free. Ours will cost tens of thousands of dollars.

I'm so sad about all of that.

On the other hand - I'm also realizing that time is sort of flying. I'm supposed to call the IF clinic in September when AF arrives so I can start birth control, but I'm expecting it around August 30 (and then again around September 27 - does anyone know if I should wait until then?). I'm supposed to start Lupron around October 14, stims around October 21. So only two months to go until I'm in the thick of it.

And only two weeks to go until knee surgery. Which will probably take my mind off things for a while anyway.

And only forty minutes until I get to leave work for the day. Thank goodness for small miracles.


  1. (((HUGS))) It's so hard to watch everyone blaze ahead of you (and worst still, LAP you) while you've barely stepped away from the start line.

    I'd probably go ahead and start BCPs, that way you you know your cycle is definitely on track leading into October. You don't want to stress about missing periods when you're getting started with your cycle.

  2. I completely understand what you mean. Just last month I had to have an emergency root canal and the whole time I was worried whether I should be taking antibiotics since I was hoping that I was pregnant. Sooo silly. My husband and I have been trying to TTC for almost two years, we have been diagnosed as unexplained as well. We've had a rollercoaster of emotions; we are now going to start IUI. Hang in there.

  3. You know, sometimes I want to tell my younger sisters (21 and 26) to hurry up and get married (only one is has a serious boyfriend) and start TTC. I think the 26 yr old is more aware of the struggles I (and my older sister) have been having and what it means to her, but the younger one hasn't a clue.
    I also avoided the dentist for a long time b/c I thought I'd be pregnant soon...

  4. It is sad that we have to go through these things babe, but I've finished my IVF cycle and am pregnant from it and am so very thankful to have gone through the whole process. No-one else gets to see their "babies" being fertilised.
    I guess we are all dealt different hands in life and this is ours.
    Good luck babe, I am still following your journey, even though I no longer have my blog.
    Sue x

  5. I'm sorry your having these feelings about your friends. It sucks being in that place.

    Sending you lots of love and peace. Good luck with your knee surgery!

  6. I remember the christmas letter I sent out 3.5 years ago announcing my plans to have a baby, cause I would have one by the next Christmas of course. Umm, yeah.
    I hear you about the friends. It's such a strange feeling to be happy for someone else but yet so sad for yourself at the same time. To me it always feels that life and everyone else are passing me by.
    Good luck with the surgery. As far as calling the doc about the bcps, their reasoning is to sync your cycle with everyone else so if you waited till the end of September you'd only have to take the bcps for a couple of weeks.

  7. Hey there,
    email me at battynurse at gmail dot com and I'll answer your question about California IVF. I tried reply on the comment but you're set up with blogger so that I can't reply that way.

  8. It is so difficult to watch people go through that when you want it so bad! Last year everyone we know had babies and I can't even speak to them. Good luck on your first IVF!

  9. I had a similar experience at the dentist. I got my bite xrays and told the entire staff that in 6 months I'd be pregnant and wouldn't be able to get them then. They told me I'd be huge when they saw me again... except I wasn't, and they all had looks on their faces as if asking, "Um, wasn't she gonna be pregnant?"

    I understand about the friends being pregnant thing. So many coworkers and friends have had babies, and they feel free to talk about it in front of me, every chance they get. They don't know it hurts, but if they did, would they stop?


Thanks for sharing your thoughts!