Friday, August 14, 2009

Knees and birthdays

I am in a weird place right now. Besides being terribly behind on commenting (I just got back from vacation - I'm behind on EVERYTHING!), I am feeling a bit at a loss.

This month, I desperately DON'T want to get pregnant. At least, I don't think so. Because my knee surgery is Thursday, Sept. 3, and I expect AF around August 30th, and I can't help but wonder if just the fact that it would be terribly inconvenient, something could actually happen this month.

After all, I am unexplained. Which means that who-the-hell knows why it's not working? And therefore, who knows if and when it will ever work? Which means - why not now?

And secretly, I wonder if this is what the universe has been waiting for - a supremely inconvenient time to finally let us experience pregnancy. It would sure save us a LOT of money (like $15,000). But I would have to cancel surgery at the last minute, and I can tell you the hospital really wouldn't like that at all. Not to mention, I really want to get this knee surgery over with.

Sort of.

Last night I read the information packet the hospital sent me. Turns out, I will be on crutches for 1-2 months, and should not even consider running for 4 months. I can't ride my bike until I'm off the crutches. I am an active person. This is going to be torture for me.

I KNOW it's better to get it over with ASAP so I can start getting back in shape. But I am feeling a little down about it. And I don't like knowing I'll have to really watch what I eat since I won't be able to exercise. Sigh.

If I sound confused and anxious and cranky, it's because I am. Worse still (maybe) - it's my birthday on Sunday! I'm turning 31! I mean, yay, birthday! But, booo, one year closer to that magical cut off date of Advanced Maternal Age. Sigh again.


  1. I hear you about the wondering. Our ttc break is almost over, but every month I have wondered about what it would mean if I miraculously got (and stayed) pregnant at this juncture.

    I don't have any answers for you... just distraction techniques (I've been researching everything I possibly can for our NYC trip, stressing about passport issues, and trying new recipes). I hope the time goes by quickly and that you are able to have the surgery.

  2. Happy Birthday!
    I know about wondering (although I've never been able to do anything more than wonder). Good luck with whatever you decide.

  3. I had to smile when I read the part of your post about how a pregnancy could happen this month because you are "unexplained" and it wouldn't be convenient due to your knee surgery. I had the same thoughts last cycle because I had a MRI of my arm scheduled, and I have long wondered whether God/the universe/karma is toying with me through this TTC process.

    BTW, don't feel too bad about turning 31: I'm way ahead of you! I'll be 40 before you're 35! ;-)

  4. Happy *early* birthday hon! The Universe is a tricky gal. She sure does love to throws us curve balls. I hope everything turns out the best for you!

  5. I know what you mean about how thinking b/c this is the month when you don't want it or would be fine if it didn't happen right this moment, of course that's when it will come.

    Happy birthday!

  6. you'll probably still be able to kayak...

    Happy Birthday!

  7. Early Happy Birthday! 31 is still a yung'un. :)

    I'm so glad you had such a fantastic trip! Once the knee surgery is over with you'll be glad you got it out of the way. I know you'll do great! You'll be back in triathalon shape before next year!

  8. Isn't it weird to not want to be pregnant for a change? I hope your surgery is uneventful and that the IVF works the first try!



Thanks for sharing your thoughts!