Wednesday, February 18, 2009

IUI #1 - BFN

I peed on a stick, even though I saw some faint blood this morning. We wanted to be sure. Are the digital sticks really better? Is it such a great thing to see "Not Pregnant" spelled out like that? I don't really know.

Can I get out of this club now? I'm sorry I joined. I didn't really want to be infertile. Really. Please, stop the ride, I want to get off.

I'm trying to look at the bright side. I can keep drinking lots of wine! But the wine is making me feel not so great. I'm really past the point in my life where I want to keep getting drunk. The only thing the wine is helping with is speaking Italian, which I seem to be doing ok when I'm sober anyway.

Today is a day for crying and sleeping on the couch, I think.

I don't want to do this again. I don't want to have to do it again after that. I don't want to have to think about IVF.

I don't want to be sad on my vacation.

I don't want to go to dinner with my husband's friend and his pregnant wife.

Fuck all of this.


  1. I'm so so sorry. I think my BFN in Italy was one of the most disappointing of them all. I SO wanted a BFP and I SO wanted it there, on vacation, relaxed, having fun, telling the family....but that was not to be. I too spent the day in it, get it all out, and then try to enjoy what's left of your time if you can.

    But the dinner out with the pregnant people, yeah, that's just tough. And the infertility club, yeah, that sucks too.

    (hugs) Mi dispiace tanto.

  2. thanks for this post. it expresses my thoughts exactly over the last months too. i hope your upcoming IUI leads to a very different post....good luck


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