Feels like I'm standing still

3rd day of POAS. Still pretty much nothing. A bit weird b/c I was expecting O on maybe Friday/Saturday, so I would think I'd start getting some fade-in lines already. Weird.

So the doctor called me back the other day. She told me that since I was being so persistent, I could do another test that would tell them what my uterus looks like, since they didn’t get a good look at the HSG. She didn’t tell me what the test was, though, and I was on my way to the train station so I didn’t want to schedule it yet.

I was a little irritated with the “persistent” comment. Who wouldn’t be persistent? Also, I thought she’d talk more about what to expect, future plans, etc. She seems convinced I don’t have a problem, so she doesn’t even address the possibilities. I’m frustrated.

Anyway, I called and scheduled the appointment, but it’s borderline too late for next cycle, depending on when I get AF. The test is a sonohysterogram, which in my opinion is a bit redundant after the HSG (and confusing since it’s a SHG). I think I will keep the appointment for now, see if and when I get AF, and then possibly reschedule for the following month.

On the other hand, if we just got a diagnosis of unexplained fertility, maybe we could start on some medication. I really don’t mind waiting a couple more months, but I don’t want to wait too much longer. At this point, I’ll be 31 at the earliest if we have a baby. If we really do have a problem, maybe 32 or 33, and if we decide to have more than one, who knows how old I’ll be at that point? I don’t want to be heading towards 40 for a second or possibly third child (or heaven forbid a first, still).

So many of the bloggers I’m reading are pg after years of IF and they’re in their 20’s. That scares me. I know I’m not old, but I only have a few years left before my age is automatically a factor. That scares me too.

I am feeling rather tired and weary of this whole thing. I hope I can enjoy the holidays, keep busy, and stop worrying about it all. Unfortunately, after the holidays, there’s nothing much to distract me. And the next cycle’s O date is right around when I have to give a presentation to a room full of people at a big conference. Talk about stress!

Well, here’s to wishful thinking for a wonderful Christmas present.