Tuesday, November 25, 2008

So, yeah

Time is ticking away, only a few more days until I either find out for sure that this month sucked once again or ... I get to keep wondering. I LOVE that, how you either know for sure that you’re not pg, or you know nothing. If you are pg, I guess it’s sort of a gradual awakening of hope, not too quickly, lest it be premature.

I always had these images of how your period works like clockwork (and really, it always seemed like it did, because one or two day variations didn't mean anything before ttc), and two hours past when it was due, you should take a HPT because obviously, the changes are extremely good that you're pg. I mean, that's the way Hollywood portrays it. So it must be true. Right?

So, yeah. Anyway. Between trying not to drive myself crazy but yet also keep myself informed, I read blogs. For some reason, I tend to prefer IF bloggers after they’ve gotten through at least one pregnancy b/c 1) they’re easier to find, and 2) they have happy endings. And I like to believe that despite whatever’s coming my way, I’ll have a happy ending eventually (even though I actually expected it right around now).

I started reading Redbook Magazine’s infertility blog, which incidentally has a new blogger right around my point in the IF battle. I guess she was actually labeled IF, which I have not been, yet, because it hasn’t been that requisite arbitrary year, but nonetheless, our situations have been surprisingly similar.

She just tried one IUI. And she got pregnant. And she’s annoying the hell out of me, even though I should be happy, and hey! If it happened for her, it can happened for me! And also, things can still go wrong, and I shouldn’t envy her the happiness that she can’t be sure she’ll keep.

So, yeah. That’s where I’m at. Mixed feelings, super busy with all this Thanksgiving stuff still, super busy at work, possibly making an offer on a house with my dear husband, and just waiting and wondering, in the back of my mind.

I don’t want to jinx it, or feel stupid later, but sometimes I do have the feeling that it worked this time. And then other times I don’t have that feeling, and I wonder if I imagined it. It’s hard to tell. Well, I’ll find out soon.

Not sure if I’ll post for the next few days. Friday for sure, I hope.

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Thanks for sharing your thoughts!