Thanks for all the comments on my last almost-post. I haven't really felt like writing anything, and although I've been reading your blogs I haven't had the time or strength to comment. I'm not sure how I feel right now. I of course told my husband about the negative tests, and he didn't say anything, and we haven't really had any time alone together, so we haven't talked about it. I'm not sure what we'll decide to do.
I know, for my part, that I could use a break of at least a month or two. I'd like to focus on eating healthier, getting in better shape, and maybe doing a triathlon in June. I'd like to spend some time with friends and maybe even some quiet time at home.
I'm not sure who I'm kidding, though. I know I will be subconsciously calculating ovulation dates, and secretly hoping for a BFP instead of AF at the end of the month. If there's one thing I've learned about myself from infertility (and there are plenty of things), it's that I can't fool myself and I can't be someone that I'm not. I'm finding that not being able to fool myself is one of the hardest things to deal with.
Yesterday was especially hard for me. I'm very grateful to Mugsy for her gift and kind card, which made my morning so much better. I actually had a good time with my mom and my sister, and I felt at peace with visiting the cemetery. A few times during wine-tasting, though, I felt like I had been kicked when the wineries made a big deal about Mother's Day - free champagne at one, free tasting for mothers only at another. Seeing my little niece and nephew, who are so cute, was bittersweet, too.
I'm sorry, this is a rambling nonsense post. I'll add more when I can straighten out my thoughts. Hope everyone is having a good Monday.