Preschool ... again

So.  Preschool.  Gah.  I had no idea, no freaking idea, when I wanted to have children that preschool would be such a big problem.  Did you know?  I mean, I vaguely remember going to preschool, and I don't remember it being a problem, but maybe I just don't remember that well?  My mother, on the other hand, claims to remember being taken to preschool (or maybe daycare?) when she was a toddler and tells me all about how she hated it and it scarred her for life and maybe I shouldn't be doing it to my own children.  Thanks, as usual, for your support, Mom.

So.  Here we are, 2.5 months in, and Turtle still does terribly at preschool drop-off.  Things have improved at pick-up.  He's thrilled to see me, and this week he started wanting me to stay and play with him instead of heading straight home.  He tells me about what he's done all day, and what he ate for lunch, and lists his friends and even says he likes preschool.  But within a few hours of being home, he starts asking what we're doing tomorrow, and if the answer is preschool, the protests start.  In the morning, he wants to know what we're doing that day.  Then he starts stalling.  He eats a huge breakfast because he thinks if he keeps eating, he won't have to leave.  He wants to play.  Or read books.  Or ANYthing.  He usually cries on the way to preschool because he didn't get enough good-bye kisses from Papi, or he forgot to bring a toy or a book or anything he can think of to try to get me to turn the car around.  And he wants me to pick him up when we get there, so I can't leave without him.  He clings to me when I try to hand him off to a teacher.  It's SO rough.

Right now they're at a Montessori school, although I don't really know how authentically Montessori it is.  They are also enrolled at a Waldorf school for the fall.  And I'm really struggling with what to do.  If the kids are adjusting where they are by the end of the summer, I don't want to mess with it.  I have a few misgivings about this school, but nothing TOO big.  I mean, nothing worth making a huge change at this point if things are going ok otherwise.  On the other hand, if things aren't going well, I would still consider the switch to Waldorf.  I like the school.  I like the calm, quiet, peaceful atmosphere, something terribly missing at the current school, where chaos tends to rule and the teachers can be really upbeat in a way that can be a bit overwhelming and over the top.  There are a LOT of kids, and they're all together in two big classrooms and sometimes the noise level is nuts.

So that's where I am.  I feel bad that I am holding two spots at one school where we won't be attending, which makes me want to make a decision, like, NOW.  But then what if things don't work out?  I am so indecisive!  I still sometimes wish we had just had better timing with the preschool I originally wanted, but who knows.  Maybe that wouldn't have worked out either.  For now, I'm just crossing my fingers ...