39 days left ...

I'm feeling a lot of stress right now.  Circumstances have basically forced me to let go of our first choice au pair and take our second choice.  I'm less than 6 weeks until due date, and I was induced at 37.5 weeks last time, which is only a few weeks away.  My husband and I essentially decided we could not take the risk of not getting an au pair here on time, when our second choice was essentially confirmed and ready to start the visa process.  I feel so guilty and responsible about it, though, after asking this guy to put his life on hold for the past couple months while we worked things out.  I also just feel like we've lost a great opportunity to have someone be a part of our family who would have really fit in.  I'm trying really hard to see things from the new au pair's point of view ... she's young and traveling to the US for the first time, on her own, and she'll need just as much of a warm welcome as our first choice would have needed.  The crappiness of the situation has just made it hard for me think beyond my disappointment, but I know I need to think of others as well.

My VBAC consult went well.  I think.  I'm a great candidate, everyone says.  The main thing I'm nervous about is just like last time, progressing through labor until the end, and then needing a c-section.  This time I won't be induced, though.  And they schedule a c-section for the last day they'll let me go without going into labor naturally, which in my case is November 13.  It's a formality at this point, and the OB said almost no one ends up getting that far.  But it does make me feel better.  Mostly, I wish I knew what would happen, because a scheduled c-section doesn't sound all THAT bad.  Especially compared to an emergency one.

We're still working on names for our little Nameless, and getting nowhere.  Poor little guy.  I'd like to start thinking of him with his actual name.  I wish we could make some progress  Hubby doesn't like anything I propose, and while I like a few of his ideas, I don't really love them.  Nothing jumps out at us as a great option.  It's way harder than I was expecting!

I've been looking back at my last pregnancy, with the twins.  I documented week 34 here: http://alittlebitohope.blogspot.com/2010/06/34-weeks-and-emotional.html

I just checked my ticker and saw that I only have 39 days left.  6 weeks sounds longer than 39 days, and it's actually not even 6 weeks anymore.  I'm nervous and excited at the same time.  I'm also trying to really enjoy this pregnancy, since we are planning for it to be my last.  I only have 6 weeks left to dream about the future without knowing what it will be, to feel all this movement in my belly, to read the baby magazines and books in total bliss.  Now I know a bit about what I'll be facing, so I'm a little more content to wait, instead of feeling completely impatient.

I went to prenatal yoga yesterday, and scheduled a massage for today.  I feel like it's almost time to start setting things up for the baby.  Yesterday I got out our mini-cosleeper, thinking the kids would be excited about playing with it, but they weren't really.  Sort of surprised me.  I definitely went a little overboard with this little guy.  I bought a lot of second-hand stuff that we may not use, and I'll just re-sell what we don't.  I'd rather be prepared this time around.  I don't know if we'll end up using a co-sleeper at all, but at least we have a mini one that will fit much better next to our bed, and a larger one that we can transition to later, or put in another room if I find we need to move around during the night.  We also have a pack-n-play, and a pea pod inflatable bed, which I bought primarily for travel and camping.

I need to get the jogging stroller fixed up a bit, and pretty soon I'll need to get the car seat installed.  I'm not totally sure where to put it, to be honest.  We have a minivan, and I just converted our kids' carseats to high-back boosters.  They're in the second row.  It wouldn't be bad to have them in the back row and baby in the second row I guess.  I'm not really sure.  At least the boosters aren't attached to the car so they're easy to move around.

Anyway, it's Friday morning!  And we don't have violin lessons this morning, but we should practice anyway, and then I need to get ready for a very busy day of kindergarten, errands, massage (yay!), swim meet, and soccer practice.  Here goes.