Sunday, May 8, 2011

Mother's Day

I was never a fan of Mother's Day, my entire life, way back before I was infertile. I hated it as a child. We always went to some giant Mother's Day extravaganza at a ballroom or country club, sitting on folding chairs at folding tables, getting low-quality food from a buffet, wearing uncomfortable dressed-up clothes, being surrounded by tons of other people doing the same thing. I HATED it.

Then I was older and didn't get along with my mom well. I was expected to make a trip home from college for the entire Mother's Day weekend, while my friends hung out, enjoyed the weather, and sent their mom a card or made a phone call, which their mother's appreciated. Even with the trip I made home for the weekend, it was never enough. If I got a card, my mom expected flowers. If I got flowers, then why didn't I get a card? My mom is like that - she dwells on what I don't do. Anyway.

Then after my Dad died in May (and his birthday was in May, too), we started going to the cemetery for Mother's Day, which is two hours away, then out to lunch and wine-tasting. So even after I became infertile, I didn't really care. Going to the cemetery doesn't feel like Mother's Day. I would buy two bouquets, one for my mom and one for my dad, and that was that.

This year, it didn't feel much different. My husband and I don't really celebrate holidays a lot, but we particularly don't like commercial holidays like Valentine's and Mother's Day. I bought myself a necklace for Mother's Day this year, with my kids' names engraved, but that was it. No other gifts, except a beer glass from my sister (we have a small collection). We went out for "high tea" (which wasn't good at all), and then the best part of the day was taking the kids to the playground. I didn't have high hopes, and it was a pleasant day, and life goes on. I'm happy it was no big deal. (I just wish that for the price, the lunch would have been a bit better).

For those still TTC, I hope that someday soon, you'll be here, too. I hope you'll have your dreams come true, and it will be wonderful. And Mother's Day may be a special day for you, or maybe it will be just like every other day, as it is for me. But either way, I hope every day will be a special day because you'll get to spend it with your little one. For me, Mother's Day is a day to wish that for you and for all the women whose hearts still aren't whole.

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