Life is cuh-razy!

Babies hit 10.5 months recently (two days ago?), and now they're both walking. It's really insane, although I didn't realize that learning to walk would be a months-long process (thank freaking goodness). Luckily right now they are both really slow and end up crawling a lot. I cannot even imagine what life will be like when they are walking reasonably well and/or running.

We had a barbecue on Sunday and invited some of our friends with babies and a few moms from my new mom's group, and it went really well. However, it's the first time we've entertained with them awake since they've become mobile, and it was completely insane. I learned a lot, like why pools NEED to be fenced in when you have young children and how hamburgers are not really an easy barbecue choice because they need buns and condiments and lettuce and tomato and cheese and so on and so forth and while you are slicing and toasting and sticking spoons in and shuttling all that stuff back and forth you can't keep an eye on your kids while they are both heading straight for the pool, and even if you CAN keep an eye on them, it's really hard to grab them both while your husband is manning the grill. I also apparently forgot every lesson I ever learned about run-on sentences.

But Saturday, that was awesome. Really. Since we've decided to start getting babysitters to come after the kids go to bed so we can go out to eat, we've mostly gone to fancy restaurants, because we can't do that sort of thing with the kids. It started getting a little old. We did use to like to go to nice places, but not that often, and interspersed with casual places and sandwich shops. Going to only nice places, over and over again, actually gets a little boring. SO! We decided (and it was ALL MY IDEA) to do what we used to do for fun regularly - we went to the climbing gym, completely wore ourselves out in less than an hour, and then went for dinner at a casual restaurant. And then went home relatively early and went to bed. And it was AWESOME. And that was after an already-fun-filled day of going to the farmer's market with friends and then the public swimming pool.

Maybe I am crazy, but I actually like being sore after working out, and it hasn't happened much lately. So now I've been a little sore for a couple days, and it means that the awesomeness of the date is still with me and it makes me happy. Which is good, since I haven't done anything healthy for myself since then, but I am completely determined that this week, I will go biking and running at least once each. And maybe, just maybe, I'll go climbing again (oh I hope so!).

Here's to a good week for all of us.

Tadpole is walking!!!!! (and some other stuff)

Tadpole started taking a few steps at a time a couple weeks ago, but has been really wobbly and unbalanced. She could take maybe five steps before crashing or toppling into someone, and she wouldn't let go of the furniture or my legs unless she had a very nearby destination in mind. Yesterday, at IKEA, she just took off, and she's been going ever since. She can't stand up without having something to pull up on, so once she falls, she finishes her journey by crawling. It is SO CUTE to see her walking along, waggling her hands in the air to keep herself balanced. Sometimes she grabs onto Turtle when she starts losing her balance and then they both go down (Turtle doesn't walk, but he pulls up and stands and will let go and balance for a while). The whole domino effect thing is pretty funny.

I'm going to write a post in a day or two about a blog I stumbled across about orphans. I've had a lot of stories pull at my heart lately. I guess I really am a bleeding heart liberal, but I've never understood how stories of orphans and sick children wouldn't make anyone's heart hurt. In any case, there was a post on this blog about a 4-week old Haitian orphan that broke my heart, and I mean that in a stronger way than I've ever meant it before. I've been crying off and on since I read it, and I'm in the process of figuring out how to channel my feelings into something worthwhile. I'll share it all in the next few days, once I've had some time to think about it. In the meantime, I'm trying to stop crying and keep my children in perspective, and remember again how incredibly lucky I am to have them.

Epic failure today

Ugh. Ate terrible, didn't exercise. I'm just so busy!!!!!

I spent a good part of the day in a town about 30 minutes away, at one of those paint-you-own-ceramics shops, painting decorative tiles to embed in the stucco when we do the exterior of our house. I'll have to remember to post some pics when I pick them up. We also went to IHOP for an American-style breakfast (a one-time treat for my cousin-in-law from Italy), but I did not do a good job of eating well. And then we finished dinner too late to exercise. I really don't like exercising after dinner.

Also, I set up my new bike trainer and tried it out yesterday, and it is louder than expected. We don't have a TV, so I was trying to watch n.etfl.ix on the ip.ad (without additional speakers or headphones) and I couldn't really hear it. So I will have to try again with headphones, I guess.

Between the kids, who take up almost all of my time, cooking, cleaning, watering my vegetable garden, and all the things I have to do to make this house run, I'm just struggling to find exercise time.

Tomorrow should be better. It will keep getting better. And in any case, spending a few hours painting tiles has really made my heart lighter. I'm starting to wonder if I could have a business doing this ...

A few pics to show off my little ones:

New me

Things around here have been up and down as usual, and I've decided to make some changes, starting tomorrow. Well, I have been setting up for things today, but tomorrow is my official start day. Not because I'm always putting things off (although I do tend to procrastinate), but because I want an official, clean start.

But first ... a few pics of my little ones.

This is Tadpole at the park today, I LOVE this picture. It completely captures Tadpole's happy, outgoing, fearless personality. She was crawling back and forth through this tunnel, and my sister caught this pose in which she looks just happy to be alive:



And this is Turtle, sleeping on our outside swing. This picture is a bit older, partly because my husband came up with some hi-tech scheme for keeping our pictures on a shared drive and then he left for a business trip to Europe (his "European Tour") and now the stupid thing is not working. But anyway, cute sleeping baby picture. This showcases one of Turtle's typical funny behaviors - he often crosses his feet just like that.


So anyway, onto more serious things. I have been really unhealthy lately. Eating terrible, barely exercising. I feel down about myself, and unhappy with how out of shape I am. I've also been unhappy because I actually LIKE running and biking and swimming (and rock climbing) and I never get to do those things anymore.

So I am going to try to make myself accountable, somehow. I have gone running a few times in the last couple weeks, running the loop backwards to switch it up and make it more interesting (which surprisingly helped). It's only 1.8 miles, but I'm hoping to add another mini-loop soon. I go right after the babies go to bed and before we eat dinner. I also just set up an indoor bike trainer on our patio, and will start riding tomorrow night. And I have hand weights and a resistance band. I also have a gym membership that I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever use.

My goal is to do 30 minutes of cardio per day, at least 5 times a week, plus weights at least 3 times a week.

I also want to eat healthier, so I want to journal what I'm eating to keep track. Starting tomorrow, I'm going to see what I can do for the next 5 days. It's not always easy, as I constantly have family from Italy and they want to cook, and I can't exactly dictate exactly what to make (i.e. last night I asked my cousin-in-law to make potatoes, which I was imagining boiled or roasted - she fried them). But I'm going to cut out the coffee drinks, the desserts, the extra sugar, the butter, the fat. I'm going to try really hard, when it is within my power (and recognize that when it's not within my power, it's ok).

And then, when I get this under control, I know I need to do some work mentally and emotionally. I'm sincerely hoping that these steps will help in that direction as well, as I will hopefully feel happier and better about myself.

Wish me luck!

Mother's Day

I was never a fan of Mother's Day, my entire life, way back before I was infertile. I hated it as a child. We always went to some giant Mother's Day extravaganza at a ballroom or country club, sitting on folding chairs at folding tables, getting low-quality food from a buffet, wearing uncomfortable dressed-up clothes, being surrounded by tons of other people doing the same thing. I HATED it.

Then I was older and didn't get along with my mom well. I was expected to make a trip home from college for the entire Mother's Day weekend, while my friends hung out, enjoyed the weather, and sent their mom a card or made a phone call, which their mother's appreciated. Even with the trip I made home for the weekend, it was never enough. If I got a card, my mom expected flowers. If I got flowers, then why didn't I get a card? My mom is like that - she dwells on what I don't do. Anyway.

Then after my Dad died in May (and his birthday was in May, too), we started going to the cemetery for Mother's Day, which is two hours away, then out to lunch and wine-tasting. So even after I became infertile, I didn't really care. Going to the cemetery doesn't feel like Mother's Day. I would buy two bouquets, one for my mom and one for my dad, and that was that.

This year, it didn't feel much different. My husband and I don't really celebrate holidays a lot, but we particularly don't like commercial holidays like Valentine's and Mother's Day. I bought myself a necklace for Mother's Day this year, with my kids' names engraved, but that was it. No other gifts, except a beer glass from my sister (we have a small collection). We went out for "high tea" (which wasn't good at all), and then the best part of the day was taking the kids to the playground. I didn't have high hopes, and it was a pleasant day, and life goes on. I'm happy it was no big deal. (I just wish that for the price, the lunch would have been a bit better).

For those still TTC, I hope that someday soon, you'll be here, too. I hope you'll have your dreams come true, and it will be wonderful. And Mother's Day may be a special day for you, or maybe it will be just like every other day, as it is for me. But either way, I hope every day will be a special day because you'll get to spend it with your little one. For me, Mother's Day is a day to wish that for you and for all the women whose hearts still aren't whole.