I'll be 16 weeks tomorrow, and I have nursing on my mind a lot. I'm nervous about it. While many of the challenges I faced last time have been mitigated (house under construction, no real help to speak of, first-time mom with twins), many of them haven't (no real support from husband, strongly anti-nursing mother). And I have a few new challenges as well, including 5-year-old twins who will have just started kindergarten. In addition to the overall nervousness, I'm also doubly nervous about managing the nights, since my insomnia doesn't seem to have improved. I'm hoping just one baby being up multiple times per night will still be easier than 2, but I'm not sure it will make that much difference.
Still, as I stated before, I'm doing my best to prepare. I know it's going to be hard. I know to have as much support as possible lined up, and as many resources as possible at my fingertips, including all the equipment I think I may need as well as phone numbers for lactation consultants and information for support groups and meet-ups. I'm really hoping forewarned is forearmed.
I'm nervous about my mom being a huge problem. I've been trying to cut back on our visits, and she's reacting as one might expect, fighting tooth and nail to keep me under her thumb and as much under her control as possible. The constant guilt trips, the complaining and manipulation are getting to me. I know I'm not going about it very well, either - I'm using the fact that I am tired of driving to her house as an excuse, and it's true anyway, since it's a 1.5-hour round trip drive and I'm just tired of it. But I don't want to encourage her to come here, either, I just need a bit more space. So I'm stressed about it, which isn't great. And I am nervous about her vehement anti-nursing stance when I want to badly to be able to establish nursing strongly from the beginning.
Anyway, those were my thoughts this evening. I am actually in a pretty good mood. I finally got my maternity clothes back from the friend I lent them to, which took a little while since they had to travel through several people and stops to get here. Just in time, since I'm showing pretty obviously these days. I spent a little while today sorting the clothes and packing away my regular clothes that don't fit anymore. I also organized some of the baby stuff in the garage, and packed away the girl clothes I have in case my sister or friend have a little girl and want any of it. I still have a lot of cleaning and organizing to do, but it's nice to get a jump start on it.
And now I'm exhausted, so I'm going to bed shortly. Oh, one more thing! I think this baby's nickname might be Gecko. Still thinking about it, though. Cheers!