Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Notes and scribbles from my disorganized mind

We're having some insane weather here in the Sacramento Valley, very strange for the end of June.  It's cold and rainy.  I am LOVING it.  I missed winter here - I spent it in Italy in the freezing snowy Alps (which was awesome for winter), but then we came straight back to California spring.  I thought I would go an entire year without rain, so I've been so psyched for these rogue rain storms that have passed through the last couple months.  Not to mention after hot weather, the cooling rain and beautiful wet earth smell is so uplifting and refreshing.  I love cool mornings in warm pajamas with a cup of hot tea or coffee.

Like I mentioned in my last email, life is a bit crazy here.  Luckily, the kids are in preschool three days per week, or I couldn't manage.  I am working part time for my husband's company, which is not a ton of work, but it's a lot of responsibility, and it weighs on me pretty heavily.  I am just getting started trying to move my mom out of her 6000 square foot house, which she has lived in for the last 20 years, and where my brother has left a ton of stuff over those 20 years and is not showing much intention to come get any of it.  My mom is also a packrat.  Oh, and she also doesn't really do anything when I am not there.  She thinks I am going to handle it all.  And she gives me a ton of sh!t when I am there about how I'm not doing enough for her.  She makes me completely crazy.  She has been a bit of an anchor around my neck lately.

So yeah.  I'm spending every bit of free time I have doing crafting.  I know it's crazy.  I have made Tadpole a skirt, which we both love.  Also lots of napkins, which I love.  And a few other little things, like a few pillow covers.  My big upcoming project is a window-seat cushion.  The custom-ordered foam arrived yesterday, and I have the fabric, I just need the zipper now.  I will probably start cutting fabric sometime this week.  If I get a chance.  I'll post pics when I'm done!  I'm also making some outdoor pillows for our benches in our yard.

My exercise is really going by the wayside, which is really bad considering that I have a half-marathon coming up in just a few weeks.  I'm finding that I only have time for one or two things that I want for myself, and when I'm working on crafting, I can't really find time to exercise.  I wish I could find more balance.

To top things off, Turtle is sleeping really badly.  Going to bed late, waking up early, and waking multiple times during the night.  I wish we could fix this, but I'm not sure how.  I know for sure we've developed a lot of bad habits - late bedtimes (but he still stays up really late in bed regardless of what time we put him to bed), too many sweets, not enough good habits like cleaning up after oneself and staying at the table.  Having two kids going through the difficult stages at the same time is exhausting.

My husband invited a business acquaintance and his family to dinner last night.  He told me that they had four kids.  So imagine my surprise when they arrived and I saw four boys come in.  And then a girl.  I thought, ah, well, he didn't realize they had 5 kids.  Then I counted again, and there were 6!  SIX kids, between the ages of 3 and 9.  And about an hour later, another older girl showed up, who I figured out after a while was the nanny (no one introduced us).  And then my husband mentioned that he had invited his two coworkers.  So we went from having a dinner for 10 to a dinner for 15.  Can I just say that I felt like I had been run over by a bus?

I always wanted a big family, and I somewhat knew it was a reaction to having such a small family and no extended family when I was a kid.  I wanted the big family holidays and family reunions and grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins, and I had basically none of that.  But now, I'm not so sure.  I've been yearning for a third child, and in some ways I still want that, but I looked at these people with their nanny and wondered how much time they spent with each child.  How they managed doctors and dentists and school and activities, and meals and getting around town and traveling and running errands and all the LAUNDRY.  And cooking!  And washing dishes!  They had most of their kids only one year apart, so I wonder how much they got to really treasure each child before the next one came along.  I feel like we had a tough road having twins, but I am grateful that with only two of them, I get to spend a lot of quality time with them.  I don't think I'd want a nanny to manage my kids, even though I'm often frustrated by the jealousy and fighting and limit-pushing and daily boredom that can come with spending so much time with 2-year-olds.

Anyway.  I'm off shortly to my mom's house to go look at smaller houses for her to buy.  I hope it goes well, but I'm really nervous.  I'm especially nervous to show up there after not having been there for 4 days and finding that as usual she has not only not packed a thing, but her kitchen is a mess with dirty dishes and there is trash everywhere.  I'm not sure I can handle it.  How does one handle an aging relative who refuses to admit that she's aging if you suggest assisted living, yet expects you to help her with every tiny little responsibility because she can't manage anything herself?  I'm really at the end of my rope here, and will probably be writing a lot about this in the next month or two.  I'm just trying to remember that it will all work out somehow, or as my good friend says, "This too shall pass".

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