1. "After they're born, sometimes you'll wish they were back inside you."
Nope. Definitely not. For many reasons, but mostly because the last month or two of pregnancy was really quite miserable. I was so swollen and stiff. In the morning when I woke up, I couldn't move my fingers for a good ten or fifteen minutes, and only then by gradually and painfully working my way back to mobility. I couldn't write. I could barely type. My feet were humongous and I had no ankles. I barely fit into my husband's shoes. My back hurt, my hips hurt. I had heartburn. I couldn't sleep.
By the way, two years of infertility does NOT deprive me of my right to complain about the last few months of twin pregnancy. Especially to people like my husband, who got the benefits of having his dreams of having children realized without any of the physical uncomfortableness (unless you count having to sleep in the same bed with me and my giant body pillow).
Also, the first trimester wasn't all that great, what with the nausea and vomiting, and the second trimester was characterized by terrible hip pain, although it probably wasn't as bad as the first or the third. I DO think that pregnancy is totally worth it in the end, and I would do it all over again if I had to. And it wasn't all THAT bad. But being not pregnant is still better.
So yeah. I got SO SICK of people saying that to me. Because NO I DO NOT WISH THEY WERE BACK INSIDE, no matter how hard things get. I was quite happy to be pregnant and now I'm quite happy that it's over.
2. "Enjoy them, it goes by so fast." Or the related but actually different "they grow up so fast".
The time does not actually go by fast. I think that anything when viewed in retrospect seems like it goes by fast, except possibly spending a significant amount of time in solitary confinement. But to me, my whole life seems to have gone by pretty quickly, including the time before the last nine months.
I loved college. It seems like it went by so fast. I hated law school. It also seems like it went by so fast. So I don't really think that there's anything special about parenthood that makes life go faster. And I particularly don't like this statement because it creates a lot of pressure, which for me sort of ruins the moment. I don't want to feel like I HAVE to enjoy this moment all the time, because inevitably I get worried that I'm NOT enjoying it enough, and I'm squandering my childrens' childhood. And I HATE that. I just want to relax (ha) and enjoy it. And people say that stupid statement ALL THE FREAKING TIME. It drives me nuts!!!
The other similar statement is that "they grow up so fast", and this one is actually true. In nine months, they have gone from completely helpless little creatures who could wave their arms and legs around, drink milk, cry, and poop, to little miniature people who smile, laugh, "talk", sit up, roll, crawl, fight, eat "real" food, stand up, play with toys, bite, cry with real tears, splash, and interact with other people and the world around them. That's a LOT of change that happened in nine months, so yes, this is true.
Still, I hate it for exactly the same reason. I don't want the pressure of having to enjoy it, and worrying that maybe, just maybe, I'm not enjoying it enough. So people! (Not you, blog readers, but everyone else). STOP TELLING ME THIS, OK?!
Whew, thanks for letting me get that out of my system.
What do people regularly say to you that you hate? Besides "just relax" or "just adopt" or "he/she/they must have used fertility treatments".