No theme this week - all the usual ones continue, especially the insomnia and the swelling.
We moved into our house last Sunday! And I didn't really sleep for the first two nights, and there are contractors here all day drilling and sawing so it's impossible to nap. So then I started taking Ben.adryl, and I don't know if it was the reason, but I've been sleeping all night and only getting up once or twice to pee. It's glorious. Except for waking up at 5:30 this morning, my first chance to sleep in for about two weeks.
I'm so swollen. I had two NSTs this week and an OB visit with u/s. The first NST was a pain - baby B would not sit still, and they kept coming in every 10-15 minutes to adjust the monitor and start over again. I ended up taking a 45-minute nap (heavenly!) when they finally got him to stay put. Then yesterday the doctor decided to order a urine test for protein at the OB appointment, and they had trouble with both babies at the NST. My blood pressure was also high during the NST, so I am going back tomorrow for another NST and blood pressure check. I'm wondering if they're suspecting preeclampsia.
In the meantime, I'm swimming laps. It seems to help a tiny bit for my swollen feet, as long a I swim over 500 yards (any less doesn't do much). I've worked my way back up to 800 yards and hoping to keep going. Especially since I'm really hoping the babies are born around 37 weeks, which is only a few more days away. Since we'll start talking induction as we near 38 weeks, I'd much prefer to get labor started on its own this coming week. Also, my mother will be out of town, and that's one less stressor around for me when the babies are born. She can come back and see them when things have settled down and the babies are a few days old.
The house is coming along. The contractors are behind schedule in finishing our bathroom, and I'm doubting they'll even meet their new and improved deadline for this week. Also, they haven't done things the way we agreed, and I don't know if it's worth asking them to make changes since it will create even more delays. Remodeling is the most frustrating thing.
I'm feeling a bit stressed and unsettled, and have a bit of the blues. My entire life has been turned upside down in the last few weeks, and waiting for the babies makes me realize that whatever normalcy is still here will shortly be gone. In the space of a few weeks, I've left the job that I've been at for three years (and therefore all the friends that I saw on a day-to-day basis), left the apartment where my husband and I first moved in together and have lived for over five years, and am now dealing with contractors who are much older and more experienced than me and yet seem to need constant supervision and correction, which I am a little uncomfortable with.
Our mother's helper also started working for me, and that is going well, but it's weird to have someone around all the time when sometimes I just want some alone time. I'm constantly having to find things for her to do (not that there's any lack of things that need doing, but at this point, I need to be involved very closely since she just started) and it's exhausting. I've just spent a week unpacking and organizing and cleaning and I'm tired. I even found time to squeeze in a few "fun" projects, like pulling out some major overgrown bushes and planting flowers and herbs instead. But even still I have that unsettled feeling of being in a new place and being all alone (or rather surrounded by strangers) and I'm looking forward to life feeling more normal again. Ha! At least I have two days to spend with my husband and no contractors or mother's helpers around.
The best thing right now is knowing that soon, I will get to see and hold my babies. I'm so curious to know what they will look like, these little creatures that have been beating me up from inside for so long now. And along with that, I'll get my ankles and feet back, and I'll be able to start exercising again (eventually) and I just know that things will get better and I'll have a beautiful family that I've been wanting for so long. And in another ten years when the contractors finish, I might have a house worth living in, too. I have so much to look forward to, I just have to shake this malaise that's settling for the moment.
I think I'll start with going back to bed.