Sorry. I know. It's been a long time. Life has been mostly good, and I haven't felt much like writing. I also have been trying not to sit in front of the computer so much (with mixed results). And I'm trying to spend more time exercising, which has not been easy.
Turtle and Tadpole turned 2 a few weeks ago. We threw a party for them, and I think a good time was had by all. Especially the eating chocolate cupcakes part. They've been singing Happy Birthday ever since.
They're amazing little 2-year-olds, generally well-behaved, fun, smart kids. They speak primarily Italian, but are picking up a lot of English now that they've started preschool. They go to preschool! Twice a week! That's how I find time to exercise. Honestly, I don't love the preschool, but we will probably have to find another preschool next spring anyway, since we are considering a long trip to Italy this winter. We've had some issues with separation anxiety, but this week they are doing a bit better.
The kids have been swimming, riding their tricycles, doing lots of arts and crafts, reading, and playing with their favorite toys, which include blocks, cars and trains, play dough, pretend food, and our homemade felt board. They are so much fun! It's also getting much more difficult to manage them when we're out and about. Ironically, while most other moms seem to complain about their 2-year-olds running away from them, mine both always want to be carried, which is really hard on my back and arms. I actually really wish they'd be a bit more independent, although I do appreciate that I rarely have to worry about losing track of them.
I have been busy with sewing and training for a possible marathon this winter. I'm excited about having a goal and getting back in shape! My running has been varied lately - sometimes I run faster than usual and feel great at the end, sometimes I have to keep stopping to walk and feel like crap when I finish. It's all ok, though. My training program officially starts this weekend, though, so I'm hoping the good runs pick up.
I hope all is well - I will probably not be back here for a while again, as I try to stay out of cyberland, but you never know. Happy summer to all.
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Sunday, March 25, 2012
April mini-goal, sewing, and coffee deprivation
Yeah, so this is a bit late again. I'm very tired, I went out with some friends last night after I was planning to stay home and work on some projects (I got a babysitter, that's probably obvious, but just to be clean ...) I got home quite late, then woke up quite early, so ugh. At my age, I think I would have learned. Tonight I have a bunch of chores including folding laundry and cleaning up a poopy bathtub (thank you very much Tadpole), so this will be short and sweet, I hope.
I got a sewing machine! Now I am having trouble getting started on projects. I am immobilized by the possibilities. I want to make napkins and a few pillowcases first, I think, plus some felt projects for the kids, a rag quilt, and an art quilt (that will probably be down the road a little ways ...). I'll try to remember to post pictures if/when I get around to those projects.
For the month of February I tried to give up coffee, and it was a major fail. I ended up giving it up for Lent and so far I'm doing it. It has been really hard, I'm sorry to say. I crave a delicious blended mocha drink very often. I guess that can be my mini-goal for March.
For April, I want to get back to my good brushing and flossing habits. My last dentist appointment was disappointing, although I expected it. No cavities, but things were not looking good. My bathroom is at the far end of the house, and so once I am up and ready for the day, I tend not to go back and brush my teeth after breakfast. So I put an extra toothbrush and toothpaste for myself in the kids' bathroom, which is right off the kitchen, and I will try to do my morning brushing there, which is good because they will see me and learn good habits yada yada yada. In addition to brushing twice a day, I will floss every evening. I often start skipping it, thinking one night won't make a difference, but then days go by and I don't do it. And it's so fast, there's no reason. The hard part for me will just be remembering and making a habit of morning brushing in the kids' bathroom - I started yesterday, but then I already forgot today (although, to be fair, we went out for brunch with friends instead of eating breakfast at home, so we didn't have our usual morning routine). So wish me luck!
Hope all's well, I've got to get to cleaning that tub, so I won't be reading or commenting on blogs tonight!
I got a sewing machine! Now I am having trouble getting started on projects. I am immobilized by the possibilities. I want to make napkins and a few pillowcases first, I think, plus some felt projects for the kids, a rag quilt, and an art quilt (that will probably be down the road a little ways ...). I'll try to remember to post pictures if/when I get around to those projects.
For the month of February I tried to give up coffee, and it was a major fail. I ended up giving it up for Lent and so far I'm doing it. It has been really hard, I'm sorry to say. I crave a delicious blended mocha drink very often. I guess that can be my mini-goal for March.
For April, I want to get back to my good brushing and flossing habits. My last dentist appointment was disappointing, although I expected it. No cavities, but things were not looking good. My bathroom is at the far end of the house, and so once I am up and ready for the day, I tend not to go back and brush my teeth after breakfast. So I put an extra toothbrush and toothpaste for myself in the kids' bathroom, which is right off the kitchen, and I will try to do my morning brushing there, which is good because they will see me and learn good habits yada yada yada. In addition to brushing twice a day, I will floss every evening. I often start skipping it, thinking one night won't make a difference, but then days go by and I don't do it. And it's so fast, there's no reason. The hard part for me will just be remembering and making a habit of morning brushing in the kids' bathroom - I started yesterday, but then I already forgot today (although, to be fair, we went out for brunch with friends instead of eating breakfast at home, so we didn't have our usual morning routine). So wish me luck!
Hope all's well, I've got to get to cleaning that tub, so I won't be reading or commenting on blogs tonight!
Friday, March 23, 2012
Tantrum Town, USA
Well, as I believe I've mentioned, we're having some serious behavior issues around here, and I am at a total loss as to how to solve them. Tonight, Turtle refused to sit in his high chair, as he has been doing on occasion lately. He wanted to sit on my lap. I am not ok with that, because I don't want to spend the next year (or more) holding a toddler/preschooler on my lap at every single meal. I've tried the following, and nothing has worked:
1. Giving him a choice between sitting in his high chair or several other things, such as removing the tray and pushing the chair to the table, using it as a booster seat, or letting him sit in a grown-up chair.
2. Telling him he will not be eating dinner if he doesn't sit in his high chair (or eventually, one of his other choices). Then I either ignore him when he screams, or I try to empathize per some of the websites I've read, which .... have you ever tried to empathize in a calm voice with a screaming, tantruming toddler? Yeah. If it works for you, great! It does not work for me and Turtle. He can't even hear me over his screaming.
3. Tonight, we didn't watch our usual Italian cartoons after dinner. I guess this could count as "punishment", but in my mind, it is because there is a usual sequence of things, and cartoons come right after dinner. If we don't eat dinner, then logically we don't get cartoons. Logically. Haha.
So Turtle went to bed without dinner. I offered dinner many times, in many ways except for him sitting on my lap, and none of it was acceptable to him. In the end, he didn't want to seem to eat at all. He calmed down after about 20 minutes of crying, and played for a little bit, then the tantrums started again because I remembered that I had their sleep sacks in the dryer and ran to go turn it on so they'd be dry before bedtime. That resulted in a major meltdown, which lasted through changing into pajamas, putting on sleep sacks, brushing teeth, and saying goodnight. More than an hour of screaming tonight.
The worst part is that Tadpole seems to finally be noticing that Turtle is getting a lot of attention, and she is starting to be upset about it, too. She notices that Turtle says "Mama mama mama" all day long and eventually I pay attention. She notices that Turtle screams and cries a lot and I have to eventually soothe him, calm him, give attention to the situation. I'm sure she hasn't really figured it out quite yet, but she's definitely noticing. It's unfair. All the parenting things I'm reading don't seem to take into account that a lot of the techniques involve not only a lot of patience but a lot of TIME. It's hard to sit and soothe a toddler and wait calmly for a tantrum to end when there's ANOTHER toddler who rightly wants some attention, too. Especially when these tantrums are happening multiple times per day. I'm really frustrated and a bit lost right now, and not sure how to handle things.
My husband's cousin is visiting for a few months from Italy to help me, but I'm starting to wonder if the tantrum and fairness situation is actually worse. I mean, don't get me wrong! She's a TON of help, she cleans, helps cook, helps with baby care, watches the kids when I want to go run or have a dentist appointment, etc. It's also fabulous to have someone to talk to rather than spending day after day with no adult conversation. But, I'm sensing that Turtle has figured out that now that there is a 1-to-1 ratio, he wants to make sure that the adult he gets is always me, and that Tadpole gets my cousin-in-law, who he likes, of course, but sees as the second choice. It's different when Papi is around because we're both number 1, and sometimes Papi is even more in demand than I am. But there is definitely a difference between Mama and Cousin, and Mama wins every time. And so usually Tadpole loses. We're going to try very hard to change that (we've discussed it), but these battles are taking a lot out of me.
So anyway. I am still really struggling to handle the difficult behavior, both in and of itself, and in how it affects my relationship with two same-age children at the same time. It's really rough, and I am realizing it's probably going to go on for at least the next couple years, so it's time to nip it in the bud and make some changes around here. This is all so much harder than I thought it would be back when I was the expert and didn't have kids.
In other news, tomorrow I'll talk about my mini-goal for the month of April, how Lent without coffee is going, and my brand-spanking-new sewing machine.
1. Giving him a choice between sitting in his high chair or several other things, such as removing the tray and pushing the chair to the table, using it as a booster seat, or letting him sit in a grown-up chair.
2. Telling him he will not be eating dinner if he doesn't sit in his high chair (or eventually, one of his other choices). Then I either ignore him when he screams, or I try to empathize per some of the websites I've read, which .... have you ever tried to empathize in a calm voice with a screaming, tantruming toddler? Yeah. If it works for you, great! It does not work for me and Turtle. He can't even hear me over his screaming.
3. Tonight, we didn't watch our usual Italian cartoons after dinner. I guess this could count as "punishment", but in my mind, it is because there is a usual sequence of things, and cartoons come right after dinner. If we don't eat dinner, then logically we don't get cartoons. Logically. Haha.
So Turtle went to bed without dinner. I offered dinner many times, in many ways except for him sitting on my lap, and none of it was acceptable to him. In the end, he didn't want to seem to eat at all. He calmed down after about 20 minutes of crying, and played for a little bit, then the tantrums started again because I remembered that I had their sleep sacks in the dryer and ran to go turn it on so they'd be dry before bedtime. That resulted in a major meltdown, which lasted through changing into pajamas, putting on sleep sacks, brushing teeth, and saying goodnight. More than an hour of screaming tonight.
The worst part is that Tadpole seems to finally be noticing that Turtle is getting a lot of attention, and she is starting to be upset about it, too. She notices that Turtle says "Mama mama mama" all day long and eventually I pay attention. She notices that Turtle screams and cries a lot and I have to eventually soothe him, calm him, give attention to the situation. I'm sure she hasn't really figured it out quite yet, but she's definitely noticing. It's unfair. All the parenting things I'm reading don't seem to take into account that a lot of the techniques involve not only a lot of patience but a lot of TIME. It's hard to sit and soothe a toddler and wait calmly for a tantrum to end when there's ANOTHER toddler who rightly wants some attention, too. Especially when these tantrums are happening multiple times per day. I'm really frustrated and a bit lost right now, and not sure how to handle things.
My husband's cousin is visiting for a few months from Italy to help me, but I'm starting to wonder if the tantrum and fairness situation is actually worse. I mean, don't get me wrong! She's a TON of help, she cleans, helps cook, helps with baby care, watches the kids when I want to go run or have a dentist appointment, etc. It's also fabulous to have someone to talk to rather than spending day after day with no adult conversation. But, I'm sensing that Turtle has figured out that now that there is a 1-to-1 ratio, he wants to make sure that the adult he gets is always me, and that Tadpole gets my cousin-in-law, who he likes, of course, but sees as the second choice. It's different when Papi is around because we're both number 1, and sometimes Papi is even more in demand than I am. But there is definitely a difference between Mama and Cousin, and Mama wins every time. And so usually Tadpole loses. We're going to try very hard to change that (we've discussed it), but these battles are taking a lot out of me.
So anyway. I am still really struggling to handle the difficult behavior, both in and of itself, and in how it affects my relationship with two same-age children at the same time. It's really rough, and I am realizing it's probably going to go on for at least the next couple years, so it's time to nip it in the bud and make some changes around here. This is all so much harder than I thought it would be back when I was the expert and didn't have kids.
In other news, tomorrow I'll talk about my mini-goal for the month of April, how Lent without coffee is going, and my brand-spanking-new sewing machine.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Sorry!
I can't believe it has been a month since I've posted. I've started multiple posts, but can't finish them. Turtle is on a napping strike, and has been for quite a while now. In addition, he's just having a lot of strong-willed behavioral issues. I'm not calling them problems, but they are definitely challenges for me, and I've been spending what free time I have, aside from cleaning and cooking and the usual stuff, in researching child development and discipline and parenting and trying to figure out where I stand. And I think I sort of know where I stand now, and so I'm trying to figure out how to translate that into how I should act.
Basically, I'm all for "Positive Parenting", which involves mutual respect, setting firm limits and enforcing them without actual punishment, and recognizing that acting out is normal and trying to handle it without losing my cool. It hasn't been going that well. It's a work in progress, and I've found that the longer I go without a break, the harder it is to find, as my friend said, the "presence of mind". I got a bit of a break today, because I left at dinnertime for a parenting class, and tomorrow I get to go to the dentist and out to lunch with my old work friends, so I'm super excited.
My husband's cousin is here, visiting from Italy for a few months, which has been great, and I've been using any extra time I can eke out while she's on toddler-duty to clean. I've been catching up, and it feels nice. In addition to exploring parenting styles, I've also been looking at preschools, making (and constantly changing) career plans, finally getting some stuff up on the walls of our house, starting a bilingual play group, starting to make a list of sewing projects I want to do since I'm going to buy a machine on Friday (I hope!), baking bread (yay! one of my great joys!), doing a lot of from-scratch cooking again, and just about everything except exercising, which I still need to find a way to squeeze in. But since I'm catching up, I hope that will get on my to-do list really soon. I need it!
We've also been doing a bit of skiing, which I admit has been nice, but I'm so out of shape that cross country has been a bit sad. Soon, soon.
Lots more I could say, but I should try to get to bed before midnight one of these days. So ciao a tutti!
Basically, I'm all for "Positive Parenting", which involves mutual respect, setting firm limits and enforcing them without actual punishment, and recognizing that acting out is normal and trying to handle it without losing my cool. It hasn't been going that well. It's a work in progress, and I've found that the longer I go without a break, the harder it is to find, as my friend said, the "presence of mind". I got a bit of a break today, because I left at dinnertime for a parenting class, and tomorrow I get to go to the dentist and out to lunch with my old work friends, so I'm super excited.
My husband's cousin is here, visiting from Italy for a few months, which has been great, and I've been using any extra time I can eke out while she's on toddler-duty to clean. I've been catching up, and it feels nice. In addition to exploring parenting styles, I've also been looking at preschools, making (and constantly changing) career plans, finally getting some stuff up on the walls of our house, starting a bilingual play group, starting to make a list of sewing projects I want to do since I'm going to buy a machine on Friday (I hope!), baking bread (yay! one of my great joys!), doing a lot of from-scratch cooking again, and just about everything except exercising, which I still need to find a way to squeeze in. But since I'm catching up, I hope that will get on my to-do list really soon. I need it!
We've also been doing a bit of skiing, which I admit has been nice, but I'm so out of shape that cross country has been a bit sad. Soon, soon.
Lots more I could say, but I should try to get to bed before midnight one of these days. So ciao a tutti!
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Careers
So, the kids are in bed, it's another single Mama night for me, and I've got hours of work ahead of me before I hit the sack. Still, I keep thinking about what I'm going to do with my life in the years ahead. I have to admit, I wish I had a better idea of what would make me happy.
I know I've posted this before, but it always helps to get my thoughts out.
My husband suggested nursing school. I'd consider it. I would like working with patients, I think, at least most of them. I think I'd find it stimulating, interesting, and worthwhile work. But I'm nervous that it might be a little too "gory" for me. I'm not that squeamish, but I am a little bit. I'm not sure about getting needles in veins, for example. And I know it can get a lot worse than that.
One of my long-standing ideas has been to be a teacher. I used to want to teach high school, now I'm leaning more towards the younger grades. I'd like to be more creative, teach kids who still think school is fun (at least some of them), and still have that wide-eyed innocence. But taking care of my toddler twins makes me wonder whether I have the stamina to do it for years and years. Some days I have a lot of energy and ambition and ideas, other days (like today), I'm totally done by 1pm. And then there's all the outside-of-class work, too. And the low salary and difficult finding a job, at least in my town.
Another recent idea I've had is to be a doula or midwife. At first, I thought it was a bad idea. I'm not bitter, exactly, but I'm a bit wistful about the birth I could have had, but didn't. And the immediate aftermath. I'm jealous of those who got to everything "normally". I'm getting over it, I don't dwell on it or anything, but putting myself in a situation where I'd be witnessing what I didn't get to have, and will probably never get to have, over and over again seems like it might be painful. But the more I think about it, the more I wonder whether being a part of other people's good experiences might help me gradually get over my own pain, and start to associate more positive and happy thoughts around birthing. And also, I have the experience of a birth that didn't go nearly as planned, which has to be good for those whose own births don't go as planned. So I'm leaning towards this a lot, I just have to figure out how to get there.
Other ideas? Someone suggested physical therapy, sports therapy, coaching, etc., but I am not an expert in any of these things. I like many sports and I believe strongly in fitness, but I am not sure I am the person for that - it is not the front and center of my life. I am actually fascinated by quite a few things, including linguistics and languages in general, reading and writing, and editing, grammar, etc. But those are all hard fields to break into, especially without any experience.
So that is where I am at the moment. Just thinking, pondering. But considering that my kids are heading towards 2, and I am not getting younger, and I may need more schooling, I know I need to start making plans and thinking much more seriously. Any other ideas or suggestions?
I know I've posted this before, but it always helps to get my thoughts out.
My husband suggested nursing school. I'd consider it. I would like working with patients, I think, at least most of them. I think I'd find it stimulating, interesting, and worthwhile work. But I'm nervous that it might be a little too "gory" for me. I'm not that squeamish, but I am a little bit. I'm not sure about getting needles in veins, for example. And I know it can get a lot worse than that.
One of my long-standing ideas has been to be a teacher. I used to want to teach high school, now I'm leaning more towards the younger grades. I'd like to be more creative, teach kids who still think school is fun (at least some of them), and still have that wide-eyed innocence. But taking care of my toddler twins makes me wonder whether I have the stamina to do it for years and years. Some days I have a lot of energy and ambition and ideas, other days (like today), I'm totally done by 1pm. And then there's all the outside-of-class work, too. And the low salary and difficult finding a job, at least in my town.
Another recent idea I've had is to be a doula or midwife. At first, I thought it was a bad idea. I'm not bitter, exactly, but I'm a bit wistful about the birth I could have had, but didn't. And the immediate aftermath. I'm jealous of those who got to everything "normally". I'm getting over it, I don't dwell on it or anything, but putting myself in a situation where I'd be witnessing what I didn't get to have, and will probably never get to have, over and over again seems like it might be painful. But the more I think about it, the more I wonder whether being a part of other people's good experiences might help me gradually get over my own pain, and start to associate more positive and happy thoughts around birthing. And also, I have the experience of a birth that didn't go nearly as planned, which has to be good for those whose own births don't go as planned. So I'm leaning towards this a lot, I just have to figure out how to get there.
Other ideas? Someone suggested physical therapy, sports therapy, coaching, etc., but I am not an expert in any of these things. I like many sports and I believe strongly in fitness, but I am not sure I am the person for that - it is not the front and center of my life. I am actually fascinated by quite a few things, including linguistics and languages in general, reading and writing, and editing, grammar, etc. But those are all hard fields to break into, especially without any experience.
So that is where I am at the moment. Just thinking, pondering. But considering that my kids are heading towards 2, and I am not getting younger, and I may need more schooling, I know I need to start making plans and thinking much more seriously. Any other ideas or suggestions?
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Catching up
I know I haven't written in ages, and I haven't had much time lately, and a lot has been going on, so I will bulletize just to get stuff down. I hope to write more soon.
- Tadpole and Turtle are 19.5 months old, and I LOVE this age. They are so much fun. They go to gymnastics twice a week, which we all love, and playgroup once a week, and they'll be starting music classes next month, once a week. I'm trying to have one activity per day, because otherwise we get bored and cranky.
- I'm starting an Italian language playgroup. We've met twice, the first time was a bit of a failure because it was cold and we met at a park, and mostly non-Italian speakers showed up. The second time went well, and now I need to figure out where to go from here.
- Tadpole has had recurring diaper rashes leading to infections, and I'm crossing my fingers that this time we've beaten it. Poor, poor baby girl, I can tell it's been uncomfortable for her.
- Both babies are talking up a storm, and talking mostly in Italian. I've been making an effort to speak mostly Italian to them, which helps, and my in-laws were here for two weeks, which helped even more. They say a few things in English, like shoes, water, hi, bye, bottle, etc.
- Both babies still take bottles, twice a day. I am working on a plan to cut out the naptime bottle, which I think will go ok, since they don't take one when they nap in the car or stroller.
- Speaking of strollers, they HATE sitting in their tandem double, Turtle pretty much refuses and I end up carrying him while pushing Tadpole. They also refuse to sit in supermarket carts, so shopping has become a nightmare. I could use some advice on this point.
- The only stroller they'll stay in for longer periods is the bike trailer, which I use for jogging, too. It is not realistic to use regularly, because it doesn't really fold and is extremely difficult to get into the car. Especially if there is anything else that needs to go in the car. I need to solve this soon.
- BUT! I have been biking and jogging a lot more lately, which has been nice. We all got sick about a month ago, and it was miserable, and my jogging came to an abrupt halt, but I've managed to ramp it up again and we've been biking around town with the trailer, and i went out on a long ride this weekend. It helped my mood immensely.
- Because of the illness and my in-laws visiting, I pulled the kids out of daycare. It would be more than a month that they couldn't go, and I saw no point in continuing. I am enjoying them so much more now, and I like going to gymnastics and doing other activities with them. The only problem is getting major chores done around the house that I can't squeeze into an hour, like organizing closets, cleaning up the garage, etc.
- So! We've asked my cousin-in-law to come stay with us. She just broke up from a long-term relationship, doesn't have a job, and seems unsure where she is going with her life, so she is thrilled to come to California for a few months and take a break from life, and we're thrilled to have her.
- My in-laws left last Monday, and as always, the first couple days are a bit of a shock. They are very active, get up early, and like to keep busy. They cleaned my house, cooked meals, entertained the kids, and helped out so much. I almost cried when they left.
- Back to Tadpole - she is ADDICTED to her pacifier, and I've been reading about how it's probably time to start thinking about limiting it, so I'm coming up with a plan for that as well. Not sure how that's going to go, really. I'm nervous about it.
- AND - we're looking at preschools for the fall. The one I really liked has a waiting list, and the hours are a bit strange (you can do either 8-2 or 8-6, depending on what you want to pay for, but my kids normally nap 1-3, and well ... I don't know. I was hoping they'd go 5 partial days). The other one that I liked had two part time spots open, twice a week for the full day, so I signed up. They also will have at least two friends there that I know of so far. It's a great school, sort of expensive (but not that much more than any other place in town), but the main drawback in my opinion is that it's a bit far. It's only about a 10-15 minute drive, but it's really too far to bike, and I am really enjoying biking with the kids more than driving.
- We are having a serious drought, and as much as I am loving this weather, it is really not good for California. Please send some rainy thoughts our way.
And that's all for now. I could expand on just about all of those points, but I need to get some chores done while they nap. Hope all's well in your world!
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Tantrums and the terrible twos
Wow, I didn't realize how long it's been since I've posted. Yikes!
One of the reasons is that Tadpole has a tendency towards diarrhea once she's gotten sick, and keeps having it for a long time after. My daycare person refused to have her as long as she still had diarrhea, so I was a full-time SAHM again, with no help and no breaks. And then my in-laws came! And that has been AWESOME! But we've been busy going for walks and playing and opening gifts and singing and dancing.
No seriously, I love my in-laws. They are helping me keep the house so clean and the kids entertained and giving me a bit of free time, too. My only real complaint is they have the kids watching a lot of TV, and I'm feeling like it's about time to cut it off. They are actually leaving on Monday and we are quite busy between now and then, so I'm not going to say anything to them, but we've been having some major behavioral problems on the part of Turtle and I suspect they are related to a combination of computers and TV.
Any readers have any input on that?
Here's the situation. Typically, we watch 30-45 minutes of Italian and some English music videos after dinner and before bed. I don't mind, because usually one of us watches with them, they get to know traditional songs in both languages, and sometimes we all dance. It's fun. We usually watch on our tablet device, which Turtle likes because he gets to pick the songs. The problem is, we also have toddler games on there. And he likes to play with our smart phones. And our computers. And lately, if he sees any of these devices, he WANTS IT NOW, and throws a tantrum if he can't have it.
I've tried many things to avoid the tantrums, and I'm at a bit of a loss as to how to handle it. I've tried comforting him, which he does NOT want. He is very much a "don't touch me, I hate you" kind of tantrumer (although sometimes he does want to scream while throwing himself dramatically into my lap). I've tried talking to him calmly, telling him I'm sorry but he can't have whatever and I'll be happy to play when he calms down, etc. That doesn't work either, and seems totally ineffective because he is screaming so loudly and is so into his fit that he doesn't hear me and seemingly doesn't even notice that I'm talking. I've tried leaving him and ignoring him, but I really hate doing that (I want to at least be there for him), and it doesn't seem to work either. Distraction sometimes works, but if he's too upset, he throws or pushes away whatever it is I try to distract him with. Picking him up and walking around works, but I can't do that for an hour. Lately, I've been just sitting near him and letting him lie on me if he wants, and waiting it out, but yesterday he had an hour-long tantrum. And these tantrums happen many times per day. And I have another child that I can't just ignore during Turtle's hour-long tantrums.
So I need help.
I think I'm going to keep all electronic devices away from him, starting as soon as my in-laws leave, and as much as possible before. It's going to be really hard for me, because being a SAHM with no internet use is very isolating. And also, sometimes he tantrums for other reasons, just not being able to always get what he wants, so tantrums are going to be unavoidable, and I just don't know what to do anymore.
I want him to be happy, I want him to learn some self-control (within the expectations of what a child his age can learn, which should gradually improve, I hope), and I would like to be able to take him out in public and not have TOO much trouble.
Any advice?
One of the reasons is that Tadpole has a tendency towards diarrhea once she's gotten sick, and keeps having it for a long time after. My daycare person refused to have her as long as she still had diarrhea, so I was a full-time SAHM again, with no help and no breaks. And then my in-laws came! And that has been AWESOME! But we've been busy going for walks and playing and opening gifts and singing and dancing.
No seriously, I love my in-laws. They are helping me keep the house so clean and the kids entertained and giving me a bit of free time, too. My only real complaint is they have the kids watching a lot of TV, and I'm feeling like it's about time to cut it off. They are actually leaving on Monday and we are quite busy between now and then, so I'm not going to say anything to them, but we've been having some major behavioral problems on the part of Turtle and I suspect they are related to a combination of computers and TV.
Any readers have any input on that?
Here's the situation. Typically, we watch 30-45 minutes of Italian and some English music videos after dinner and before bed. I don't mind, because usually one of us watches with them, they get to know traditional songs in both languages, and sometimes we all dance. It's fun. We usually watch on our tablet device, which Turtle likes because he gets to pick the songs. The problem is, we also have toddler games on there. And he likes to play with our smart phones. And our computers. And lately, if he sees any of these devices, he WANTS IT NOW, and throws a tantrum if he can't have it.
I've tried many things to avoid the tantrums, and I'm at a bit of a loss as to how to handle it. I've tried comforting him, which he does NOT want. He is very much a "don't touch me, I hate you" kind of tantrumer (although sometimes he does want to scream while throwing himself dramatically into my lap). I've tried talking to him calmly, telling him I'm sorry but he can't have whatever and I'll be happy to play when he calms down, etc. That doesn't work either, and seems totally ineffective because he is screaming so loudly and is so into his fit that he doesn't hear me and seemingly doesn't even notice that I'm talking. I've tried leaving him and ignoring him, but I really hate doing that (I want to at least be there for him), and it doesn't seem to work either. Distraction sometimes works, but if he's too upset, he throws or pushes away whatever it is I try to distract him with. Picking him up and walking around works, but I can't do that for an hour. Lately, I've been just sitting near him and letting him lie on me if he wants, and waiting it out, but yesterday he had an hour-long tantrum. And these tantrums happen many times per day. And I have another child that I can't just ignore during Turtle's hour-long tantrums.
So I need help.
I think I'm going to keep all electronic devices away from him, starting as soon as my in-laws leave, and as much as possible before. It's going to be really hard for me, because being a SAHM with no internet use is very isolating. And also, sometimes he tantrums for other reasons, just not being able to always get what he wants, so tantrums are going to be unavoidable, and I just don't know what to do anymore.
I want him to be happy, I want him to learn some self-control (within the expectations of what a child his age can learn, which should gradually improve, I hope), and I would like to be able to take him out in public and not have TOO much trouble.
Any advice?
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