I've been having a bit of an up-and-down attitude about my current situation. I was actually in a good mood about my broken hand situation for a long time. I felt that I could get back on track for the marathon, that I was managing daily life pretty well, and that I was lucky and the injury could have been much worse. Then I fell again and decided to pull out of the marathon, and stopped running, and started eating a lot of stuff I shouldn't, partly out of stress. This week, my husband's been gone and the kids have been pretty awful, to the point that I cried multiple times yesterday. I'm missing the rush I get from exercise, and physical therapy has suddenly gotten pretty painful (to the point where I am sweating and squirming and grabbing my seat in pain - sort of like mini-labor). Today I asked the physical therapist what she though about my progress, and as I suspected, it's not as good as she'd like. Which is understandable, since with 2 toddlers and no help around, it's been impossible to do my exercises as often as I should.
I decided today that I would go for a run, with my splint to protect my hand. I just got back and I already feel better. In a matter of a couple weeks, I went from being an active runner ready for a half-marathon and well on her way to a full one, who felt confident and healthy,who was ready for an awesome cross-country ski season, to someone who is becoming a couch potato and couldn't even keep herself from snacking on cookies every time she felt a bit of stress (and the amount of stress I felt yesterday worked out to about 15 cookies).
So. I need a goal again. And I have a few in mind. My mini-goal deadline is Thanksgiving, which the hope of re-establishing some good habits.
I'm still signed up for a 10k for November 17. Until then, I will run 3 times per week, 3-5 miles each time. I will work out at least 2 other days per week by doing exercises at home or going for a bike ride if my husband is home.
I will not snack between meals (possibly except of fruit, I'll see how it goes). I'll go back to my usual schedule of a healthy breakfast (usually a slice of whole-wheat bread with cream cheese, or yogurt and cereal), lunch (need to get this healthier), afternoon coffee, and dinner without second helpings. Dessert for special occasions only or nights out. No more cookies! Coffee only once a day, and don't drink it if I don't really feel like it. Tea is fine in the morning or evening. Try to eat fruit after every meal. I've done this kind of diet for years, I don't know why it feels so hard now.
I'd like to have a few other goals, and one thing I want to work on is gratitude. I was doing well for a while with no goal or program - I really wasn't at all down about my accident and surgery. I felt that things could have been a lot worse, and I was lucky. And it was all true. But then when I lost my long-term goal of training for a marathon after two months of hard work and good results, followed by a week of really difficult two-year-old behavior, I lost a bit of perspective. I want to get that back. So here's to that - to trying to get my perspective back with a bit of good, old-fashioned gratitude.
Starting with: today, at this moment, I am grateful my husband is on his way home. I'm grateful I have made at least SOME progress with my physical therapy. I'm grateful my friend and my sister are coming over tonight for a crafting night. I'm grateful for all the good food I've been eating and will continue to eat. I'm grateful for mochas, and now especially salted caramel mochas (maybe that's not a good thing to be grateful for). I'm grateful for my general good health.
It's a good life.